Diuretic diet. It works, but your piss will be brown at the end. Removing all the glycogen and water from your system can lose you over 5 pounds in a few days, but it won't change your shape.
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This must have been written by Hunter Thompson
Hunter Thompson's routine according to E. Jean Carroll:
3:00 p.m. rise
3:05 Chivas Regal with the morning papers, Dunhills
3:45 cocaine
3:50 another glass of Chivas, Dunhill
4:05 first cup of coffee, Dunhill
4:15 cocaine
4:16 orange juice, Dunhill
4:30 cocaine
4:54 cocaine
5:05 cocaine
5:11 coffee, Dunhills
5:30 more ice in the Chivas
5:45 cocaine, etc., etc.
6:00 grass to take the edge off the day
7:05 Woody Creek Tavern for lunch-Heineken, two margaritas, coleslaw, a taco salad, a double order of fried onion rings, carrot cake, ice cream, a bean fritter, Dunhills, another Heineken, cocaine, and for the ride home, a snow cone (a glass of shredded ice over which is poured three or four jiggers of Chivas)
9:00 starts snorting cocaine seriously
10:00 drops acid
11:00 Chartreuse, cocaine, grass
11:30 cocaine, etc, etc.
12:00 midnight, Hunter S. Thompson is ready to write
12:05-6:00 a.m. Chartreuse, cocaine, grass, Chivas, coffee, Heineken, clove cigarettes, grapefruit, Dunhills, orange juice, gin, continuous pornographic movies.
6:00 the hot tub-champagne, Dove Bars, fettuccine Alfredo
8:00 Halcyon
8:20 sleep
For those wondering, Halcyon is a benzo like Xanax and likely the only reason this guy had any chance at slumber.
Also, everyone should try hot tub champagne at least once, or it's low rent cousin the shower beer. Something about a cold bubbly beverage in a hot steamy environment enhances both pleasure.
Also, everyone should try hot tub champagne at least once, or it's low rent cousin the shower beer. Something about a cold bubbly beverage in a hot steamy environment enhances both pleasure.
Sort of related but I've always wanted to rent a chalet at a ski resort with an outdoor hot tub so I can be outside in the freezing cold, while sitting in a hot tub, whole sipping a cold beer.
It's like giving a middle finger to thermodynamics itself.
Pro Tip: For an even quicker result, drink a cup of tequila right before bed. The agave's thermogenic properties will ensure that you puke those 3 eggs and half a stake right out.
Another of the 3-day diets on this list (and to be fair, they said don't do any of them for more than 3 days!) was:
Ice cream. As much as you want. But only vanilla, and no extras like fudge sauce or sprinkles.
I remember, because I'm old.
I read one in a magazine that was for more than 3 days, and it suggested only drinking milk instead of water.
The reasoning was:
- fat cells are mostly water
- so not drinking water will "dry out" the fat cells
- drinking milk is fine because your stomach acid turns it into a solid, so it isn't liquid anymore
Nutritional advice used to be wild.
There was another one, don't know if it was from the same list or not, but it was the all beet diet. Just beets. Season and cook them however you want, but that is all you are allowed to have. Period. My stepdad did the diet and nearly lost his goddamned mind.
I would sub out a decent bottled in bond bourbon for the wine. But overall I approve of the diet.
Eggs for breakfast, eggs for dinner...
When you finally shit it will be like 2 Coke cans stuck together.
It's a distant ancestor to the hunter s Thompson diet. It just needs more drugs.
I know someone who gets the shits from egg yokes and also coffee on occasion. This diet would work well for them because they'd shit themselves inside out after 3 days of this.
Lemon juice at dinner guarantees that you reach max level of heartburn, if not yet.