this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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Doorbell rang; I didn't answer. Later noticed porch vid showed teen girl needing help. How do I stop kicking myself for not answering? (lemmy.today)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) by DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
26 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

UPDATE: I posted on Nextdoor for my local neighborhood. Girl was identified and someone reached out to her. She said her phone had died, she got turned around and just needed directions. But she made it home ok!! :)

True story, by the way. This happened to me earlier tonight.

Mid-size city, 500K people. Suburbia area. Well lit. Good part of town. Next to parks, schools, etc. Nice weather.

9:30 tonight (Sunday), I was in the house putting away some laundry. I heard the doorbell. I didn't think anything of it, because I have been getting lots of amazon deliveries.

30 seconds or so later, a knock on the door. Wow, delivery guy is def letting me know I guess.

So I finish folding my laundry, go to front porch. Probably 5 to 10 minutes since knock on door. No package. Weird.

I check my porch camera and it shows a teen girl, maybe 15 or so, out of breath ringing the doorbell. She's wearing pajama bottom pants, shoes, hoodie and a backpack. And she says to herself, "I need help. This is terrible."

She sets on my front step for a few seconds, gets up, then knocks on door. Looks around. Then leaves.

After I see vid, run to sidewalk... look up and down. Nothing. I run back in, put shoes on, go out and again, looking. Nothing.

I call 911 tell the police what happened, they send someone out, but they don't get here till about 30 minutes later. So basically police show up a full 45 minutes after the girl knocked on my door.

While waiting for police, I see neighbor, 2 houses down, pulling out of driveway. I run up to him, show him vid, tell him what happened, he says he'll check his cams, but he didn't get a knock or doorbell ring.

I'm kicking myself that I didn't at least check the porch cam right when doorbell rang. I legit can not stop thinking about that girl knocking on a strangers (my) door hoping I would answer.

She was out of breath, but wasn't banging on the door extra loud or anything. No crying. And I have neighbors all over and across the street. And just a block down is a 7-11.

So it probably wasn't super serious (I hope!), and maybe she just lost her phone or something (I hope!). But I can't sleep thinking about it.

I posted the vid to my local nextdoor community webpage, posted on facebook, etc. All in the hopes that someone will recognize her.

What would you guys do in this situation? Anything I could have done differently (other than answer the door)?

tl;dr: I ignored doorbell thinking it was just amazon package. Check porch cam later and realize it was teen girl saying she needed help and that something terrible happened. Police didn't arrive till 45 minutes later and no sign of girl.

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[–] Termight@lemmy.ml 1 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

A teen girl in pajamas, muttering about a crisis, and vanishing into the night. The stuff of low-budget thrillers, isn’t it? Logically, the first step would be to analyze the video’s sentiment; a precise read on her emotional state. Beyond that, a thorough cross-reference of her appearance and behavior against local missing persons reports, school records, and even social media activity would be prudent. Contacting the local school is also essential; someone there might recognize her, or even uncover a missing student report.

It’s natural to be anxious, of course, but try not to let it overwhelm you. The fact that she didn’t appear to be in immediate peril (no screaming or no frantic banging) is a reassuring detail. She’s likely alright; perhaps a lost phone, a disagreement with her parents, a relatively minor upset. Still, the situation is undeniably unsettling.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 0 points 20 hours ago

I posted it vid on my local Nextdoor. And today someone recognized her, and contacted her. So she did need help, but not lifethreating. Phone died, she needed directions because she was turned around. But she recognized the next street over and made it home fine! :)

Nextdoor citizen solved it. Police did not! lol

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@lemmy.ml -4 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

Speaking as an amazon delivery driver who hears "We don't want any fuck off" from a robot voice at least 20 times a day when I ring a doorbell.

Who sees "fuck off" signs as often as I see american flags with blue lines flying over garages.

Who sees "We will fucking murder you if you come here and we don't know you" signs just as often.

You're fucking sick in the head. Stop being so fucking anti-social. The world outside is a part of the world too. The suburban brain is pathologically insulated and sociopathic. Your own little plot of land where no one can bother you or tell you what to do. Directly downstream of homesteading (Read: killing anyone who was there before and killing anyone who shows up after IT'S MINE MINE MINE).

Our society is fucking sick to the bone and you just had a moment of lucidity. Don't let it pass.

What would you guys do in this situation? Anything I could have done differently (other than answer the door)?

Fucking amazing. Absolutely gobsmacked.

I'm grateful for this opportunity to call you human garbage. Lord knows you'd try to get me fired if I encountered you in the wild.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today -2 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

You’re fucking sick in the head. Stop being so fucking anti-social.

First, I'm not anti social. I was folding laundry. Decided I would just go out and grab the package after I was done. And for the record, in my area, amazon drops it off, rings doorbell and practically jogs/runs back to their truck, to make next delivery. I've never answered the door in time to talk to them, even when I answer right away.

I think you misunderstood the entire post.

Dude, I was in backroom of house, doing laundry. Doorbell rang, I figured it was delivery. So I finished laundry up, went to front porch. Saw no package, THEN I checked security cam and saw girl on camera. And immediately called police as I went into street looking for her.

This wasn't a case of me avoiding the door or people. I talk to people out and about all day every day. I'm retired. Dude, step back.

EDIT: Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@lemmy.ml -4 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I’m retired.

Oh wow no fucking kidding you're a goddamned boomer. Not like you could smell it instantly in this "Please tell me how I can feel less guilt doing exactly what I want when I want with no thought to the outside world or other people in it" post.

I think you misunderstood the entire post.

lol don't tell me to 'step back' you entitled sack of shit. Your post is EXPLICITLY TITLED so as to ask how to even further insulate yourself from the outside world in the context of 'oops I might have let someone in distress needing help die. Please tell me what I could have done OTHER THAN SEE WHAT WAS OUTSIDE MY BUBBLE'

And you're continuing to respond as if the only thing the outside world does is provide you treats. It couldn't possibly be an actual person. And even if it is they can fucking wait! I'm the fucking center of the universe! How DARE someone come to my CASTLE and deign to demand MY audience on a schedule outside my own convenience!

I'm not making you feel better about your anti-social (please look up the difference between this word and asocial. You're far too old to be this poorly read) and narcissistic behavior? Well that's what you came here looking for! That's the POINT of the post!

I understand this post better than you do because I see you from outside. I'm explaining to you how you're sick in the fucking head based on your own words, and even your response to my observations.

This wasn’t a case of me avoiding the door or people. I talk to people out and about all day every day

Oh I'm sure you have quite the social life at your leisure and on your terms. You are after all the center of the universe, aren't you?

A woman was looking for help and in distress, but "I talk to people all the time!" Fucking incoherent response.

"Dude"

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 1 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

Oh wow no fucking kidding you’re a goddamned boomer.

Actually early retirement. I'm not a boomer.

our post is EXPLICITLY TITLED so as to ask how to even further insulate yourself from the outside world

What?! What are you even talking about? It didn't say anything about insulating myself from the world. I go out all the time. You seem ill.

And even if it is they can fucking wait! I’m the fucking center of the universe!

What are you going on about?! Dude, do you realize that Amazon doesn't wait for us to answer the door? They leave packages and then leave. What makes you think I was intentionally making anyone wait?! lol

A woman was looking for help and in distress,

Again, you need to read the fucking post, guy. When I went to get my package, no one was there. Then I check the cam and saw her. I didn't ignore her. I didn't know she was there.

You are so in the mood to be mad about something, that you didn't even read the post.

Also, i've already added an update. She was fine. My gf's friend took the vid and identified her on the Nextdoor app and she reached out to say she was fine and her phone was dead.

You literally ranted on and on about nothing. What's it like being so angry all the time? lmao

[–] hyacin@lemmy.ml 2 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

You seem ill.

This. Just block and move on. jfc some people have issues.

"YOU'RE NOT DOING THINGS THE EXACT WAY I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING THINGS, WAH WAH"

Who thinks they're the centre of the world here exactly?

Edit/P.S. Glad everything worked out - and I not only wouldn't have answered the door, but wouldn't have bothered to check the camera after either. It's always door-to-door bs of one form or another around here ... or car thieves.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today -1 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Thank you!

Yeah, the whole experience has taught me something. There def is a danger of people baiting. See someone in distress, answer door, then boom, two people off to the side rush in. Hasn't happened in my area yet, but even on the Nextdoor app, people were weary of it.

So I'll find a happy inbetween. I think from now on, as soon as I hear doorbell, I'll check cam and just talk to person thru the cam and if it's someone in distress, let them know that police will be here shortly.

Unless daytime. I'm out and about in my yard pretty often during the day, and I feel pretty secure. But I was pretty disheartened at how rough the Nextdoor crowd was--and the video was on there, so they saw the girl. Some were understanding, and like I mentioned, one happened to be a friend of my gf, and managed to track down the girl through her social contacts.

But I'd say vast majority were saying, "Scam! Good thing you didn't open door!" lol

[–] Rogue1633@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

If she looked for help because of violent parents, it might be dangerous to have that video of her online

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 0 points 20 hours ago

Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Good point. On the other hand, if she's missing maybe someone knows her or recognizes her.

[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I get why the feelings sucks. You're in your head and somehow only the worst possible outcomes ruminate. You've called the cops, good on you.

You're not in charge of the world, there ought to be others who are charged with taking care of that girl. Their failure in preventing her from showing up on your porch is not your fault either and she's their responsibility, not yours. Keep repeating that in your head.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 0 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.

[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 1 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Glad to hear it! I thought I heard a sigh of relief so massive it circled the world twice.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 0 points 17 hours ago

I thought I heard a sigh of relief so massive it circled the world twice.

That was just about how loud my sigh was. I had talked to neighbors, the police, the convience store down the street. Checking news. And it was all for nothing, she's fine. I am so relieved. Nextdoor saved the day tho. I usually hate that app because it's a bunch of Karen's bitching about everything. But one took the vid I posted, showed her friends, and mystery solved. :)

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 2 points 2 days ago

Thanks for that!

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I mean, this prolly sounds pessimistic but could be a scam? Using a innocent looking person to get people to open up while so rough customers hide somewhere?

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, I have heard of that scam. And I think it's a real thing, but not in this case--at least for that scam. Because my vid shows her walking up and walking away alone.

But I think I've finally relaxed and am not as worried for her as I was. Lots of houses here. Lots of stores down the street less than a block away. And she didn't run to or from my door. So whatever it was, it def didn't appear life threatening as in she was in immediate danger.

I have two cars in my driveway as well. Truck and a jeep. So I don't think anyone was scouting my house thinking I'm little old lady. I've watched the video over and over. No torn clothes. Hair was up in a neat bun. Wasn't crying.

But the out of breath part and the saying she needed help because something terrible happened is what sorta is sticking with me. Even tho, since I wrote the post and cleared my thoughts a bit, who actually says that outloud when talking to themselves?! And the lack of urgency in the walking to and from my door is strange. But also, I know that people under stress react differently, so..

What does disappoint me tho, is how little the police seemed to worry about it. They just didn't see it as a big deal. I played the vid. They agreed it was strange. But no one asked for copy of my vid or screen shot the vid or anything. I checked missing persons site for my area. Checked police blotter. No missing people that match this. So I guess I'll just have to accept I did what I did. And if something does happen, then I have a time stamp, so I'm saving the vid.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'd think that 2 big cars might be an indication that there's more stuff to be found inside, not from an old lady, but a guy who seems helpful and would open up to help a girl in need? I guess there would be accomplices, who might be able to know about the cameras?

But I'm just thinking out loud. Idd is pretty weird, all the parts of the entire story. If it is real, given how there are stores nearby, I'd think she would find someone there fast? And she prolly would be safe?

The Police being so apathetic is super fucked though. I'm guessing you're from the states? Police really aren't that trustworthy there, right?

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today -1 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's weird. And yes, I am in the states. And actually police are pretty trustworthy here, it's just the bad ones that make the news, and the bad news is what everyone reads.

But in this case, the police just seemed like it wasn't worth the effort. And that may be true. I posted on a neighborhood site and the vast majority said it was probably just a scam or someone wanting to ask for money.

Now that I've had time to reflect, I'm not as upset by it. Because there were plenty of other places on my street and in this part of town that she could have gone if really in distress. Still wish I would have answered the door sooner, but I've followed the local news since, and it doesn't seem like anything bad happened. So probably all worked out.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

That's a very good point. Not going to lie, I'm still convinced there is something pretty wrong in some law enforcement avenues, but you're right that the cop killings make the news quickly (although once would be one to many).

Yeah weird situation, curious what the actual story is here.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today -1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

Yeah weird situation, curious what the actual story is here.

Actually, all solved. I updated the original post. So basically, after I posted video of it on a neighborhood networking page, a friend of my gf's reached out. She asked if she could post on her social media as well. And that worked. Because someone identified the girl, and contacted the girl.

Turns out, she was going home from a friends house, got turned around and a little lost since it was dark. Her phone died. My house had living room lights on and I also have a cute "Little Free Library" sharing library in my front yard, so she felt safe knocking and asking for directions.

When I didn't answer she went back to the main street, figured out her where she was, and made it home fine.

I still feel bad that I missed her out there, but very relieved that all turned out well and ended up being not being a big deal. And happy it wasn't a scam, like so many were saying. :)

I’m still convinced there is something pretty wrong in some law enforcement avenues

Oh no doubt. But from news media, I think non-US people get the impression that this is just a lawless wild-west scenario, and if you run into a police officer, you life is in danger!

Not like that at all. Also the news you see is mostly from crowded inner cities. Most of the US is quiet, peaceful rural towns or quiet suburbia. My neighborhood is near a park and schools. I can walk out and hear kids playing outside. Flying kites on a windy day. Kids walk down my street to the ice cream shop. People walking their dogs.

The vast vast majority of US is just people being nice and going on with their lives. And that's not news. News is a shooting or trial etc.

And Lemmy especially is not a good indicator of the US at all. Most lemmy commenters are computer nerds in cities who rarely leave their houses and are anti-social, and make political strife and chaos a part of their identity.

Most of the US is boring. Which is a good thing. But boring isn't news.

[–] meldrik@lemmy.wtf 4 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Wouldn’t they have shown up on the cam?

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

Not if they knew about the cams and anticipated their movement.

[–] haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 4 points 2 days ago

Not if they're any good.

[–] DonaldJMusk@lemmy.today 2 points 2 days ago

I have cam footage from both my driveway leading up to my porch and my porch. No one is with her as she comes up to porch or as she walks away from porch. She may still have been a scammer, but it wasn't that scam.