196

Right wing men aren't lonely. They have community. They have validation. They have support. Thats why lonely men go to the right.

Every time I see this meme format I'm a little frustrated and sad.

A long time ago, Cosmo did a bunch of studies on dating app users. It published a bunch of their results and people have been miscounting it ever since to serve their assumptions.

On dating apps, when one woman matches with one man, 90% of women match with 10% of men. This is largely a result of the app populations, which were and are mostly men. Unless you're okay with your girl dating ~9 men at once, dating apps will only match a small percentage of men, because that's how maths works.

When asked to judge dating app profile pictures (no other profile information), women judged men's pictures lower than men judged women's. This is as much a factor of the profile pictures we choose as anything else. In addition, men's match preferences had a strong relationship with their attraction ranks. Whereas for women the relationship was weaker, and the content of the profile was a larger deciding factor. But people hear about the judging profile photos thing and go 'women are more critical of appearance than men are -> women are shallow'.

When asked 'what age are [men/women] most atteactive', women tended to answer close to their own age (with a drop off around 50). Most men said 20-25. But most men saying still typically matched close to their own age. Much like the women with profile pictures, they were trying to answer a direct question with what they believed was a critical, scientific, 'objective' answer, rather than reflecting their own dating preferences. But now women fear (or believe) that any men will not find them attractive as they age.

There's a lot of interesting things in those findings, if you acknowledge it is specifically measuring dating app users, had nuanced findings, and was not scientifically robust in the first place. It's broad conclusions DO NOT apply to the population as a whole.

And I ache a little each time I see its conclusions reduced and misused to justify misanthropy. Much like the myth of 'the alpha wolf', it's misinformation that refuses to die.

I'm always super hesitant to comment on stuff like this because I don't want to be lumped in with the fascists but I'm going to break that rule just this once. When people hear "Male Loneliness Epidemic", it means different things to different people. It appears to me as most left leaning people hear, "I don't have a woman that caters to me and my needs". For myself it means, "I don't have a Support System of friends and family to lean on." A partner would be great but I would get far greater satisfaction in gaining a group of friends or a sense of belonging. Paired with likely Autism and ADHD, things aren't super rad for me on any aspect of life. That's all my own stuff to deal with though.

The takeaway is I hope anyone reading this is doing okay, regardless of gender. I may not get the struggles of your life, but I hope you are overcoming them.

Not even remotely true. Reminder that Trump won white women voters in 2024.

Painting all lonely men as douches is kind of fucked up, no?

Yeah you're right, I'm only alone because Im garbage, thanks for that reassurance.

This is absolutely a major contributing factor, but there's more to it than this. Everybody is lonely, pretty much regardless of gender. This issue hurts everyone.

And it is also caused in part because of how fucked up we've designed our society. It's nearly impossible to make friends as an adult because

• we're all working too much to have the free time for it
• there are (effectively) no third places where you can hang out with the expectation to meet people without the expectation of spending money
• to get anywhere you generally need a car, highways and roads divide and spread everything which makes walking or biking difficult
• social media is run for profit, not for the sake of actually connecting people
• these above issues feed into the issue OP is pointing out. If you are lonely and your life isn't going too well, then you're gonna seek answers for this complicated issue. And fascists are all too willing to take advantage and provide simple answers. It then turns into a self feeding cycle.

I'm sure there's a bunch of other reasons too, but those are the ones of the top of my sleep deprived head. Even if all the above awful values men have disappeared, the above problems would still need to be fixed.

I really feel like this is an idea that needs to die. Plenty of abusive and hateful men seem to have no problems with getting the type of relationships they want; this just inadvertently promotes the idea that one needs to be a 'nice guy' in order to have a relationship. Not every guy who leans left succeeds in wooing a woman, and right wingers complaining about where the women are at are probably in circles with primarily left-leaning women and they need to go look in a church or country concert or something.

I wish this was accurate. There would be a lot less fascists.

So if I'm a lonely guy it can only be because I'm a sack of shit. Cool cool. Love that. Great for the self esteem.

Unfortunately there are a lot of similarly awful women, especially in more rural and suburban areas.

I am a moderately liberal guy, and I cannot get any girls. I'm shorter than average and socially awkward. I've managed to get a few dates from dating apps but none of them went anywhere because I'm so awkward in person.

So. Counterpoint to this, in that I think those guys should just keep doing what they’re doing.

The bar is so low all I need to do is show up on a date and not say anything racist and I’m in.

In fact: y’all should go even harder with the douchebaggery.

The fascists go for a predatory numbers game, hitting up as many women as possible while hoping they find ones vulnerable enough to get roped into an abusive relationship. It's a strategy that breaks down against women who socially reinforce self respect amongst each other. Of course, this isn't unique, as fascism similarly recruits vulnerable men who struggle with self respect. It's abuse and cruelty all the way down.

Please, don't be dismissive of a real problem just because people you (rightfully) hate are disproportionately more affected.

Instructions unclear, turned into an insufferable Marxist and now I don't have anyone to talk to