The lighter side of ADHD
Today I felt that small twinge of motivation to start cleaning so you better believe I latched on to that feeling and didn't let go until the dishes were washed, laundry was done, floors were cleaned and rugs were vacuumed.
I fully expect not to feel this again for weeks.
That was me yesterday. I was really hoping I could muster just a fraction of that vibe again today....
All it took to derail me this afternoon was one little hiccup in my plan, and my entire "day-off of productivity" became cripplingly overwhelming and thus ruined... 🤷
There's always tomorrow tho
Sometimes I just sit an look at the mess hoping that looking at it will start to annoy me enough to get that spark.
Sometimes it even works
Either this, procrastination cleaning, or someone-is-coming-over-in-10-minutes cleaning.
There is no other way to clean.
If you’re still in the zone, I meant to clean my apartment this weekend… but got distracted.
One thing I found to help me, whenever I feel the need to clean but am overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning needs doing, is to just break it down into smaller segments. Could be spacially, thematically, whatever. If I want to clean everything at once, I'll probably end up cleaning nothing, so I just pick something. One time it was just collecting the plastic bottles in my apartment for the deposit. Didn't collect the cans and glass bottles, though. Another time I reorganized and cleaned just my little walk in closet. And I've got on my to do list for sometime these next few days to do all the recycling paper I've got laying around. Doing it like this helps me not feel drained for weeks after the big clean up job. I still gotta test it long term, been only doing it for a little over a week or so, but it should hopefully result in a cleaner apartment.
My problem is that I usually when start cleaning something I get into total hyperfocus mode and start cleaning for hours. And then I'm depressed and in bed for the next few days... don't know how to just do a little thing at a time, I always feel the urge to do more once I've started
Yeah, I guess we're sorta at opposite ends of the spectrum here
:(
Executive dysfunction being the most unbearable symptom that I regularly experience, this one hits home...
A jedi is passive. That's how I comfort myself...
Whenever possible, I try to use me ADHD's impulsiveness to start a task, then complete it because I'm forgetting everything else.
Note that it only works when my partner or other people don't question my working methods...
I really recommend How To ADHD's two YouTube videos on this topic called "Wall of Awful". It helped understand myself better and totally made me cry.
altneratively: it's a MASSIVE BOTTOMLESS CHASM
might also fit for "i have anxiety"
Or a staircase, but the steps keep getting smaller and smaller until it's just a slippery slope.
I have that too.... So that checks out lol
I feel the ADHD one should be a moving step, up and down and side to side but the person is blindfolded.
Or on some days: an M.C. Escher illustration
You enter a dimly lit room and see flights of stairs spiraling up to a lit doorway. As you approach the base of the stairs, you notice something peculiar. The stairway begins to grow taller the closer you get. You turn away, discouraged by the impossibility of climbing such a sheer wall. In the corner of your eye, you notice they recede to normal stairs. You also notice an odd effect, a glitch maybe, the stairs will flicker between the two states of impossible wall and regular stairs the more you take interest.
Intrigued, a thought sparks in your mind. Focus only on the goal of reaching the top. The transformation of the stairs seems to have stopped growing but only for a second as this revelation creates ripples in your concentration.
What was your goal? Reaching the doorway? What’s even up there? You can see light coming through it so it must be something. Why are you here in the first place? Who built these stai… You notice stairs are slowly rising above your eye line, the smooth stone blocking your view of the doorway. A feeling of despair fills your chest as the light of the doorway is occluded by the growing wall. It feels as though you are sinking. You can’t give up now, the way forward is so close.
You walk a few steps away. Taking a slow deep breath as you close your eyes, you try to clear your mind. Think only of the doorway. Climb the stairs. Get to the top.
tap tap tap tap… you hear footsteps echoing off the walls. Are you alone? You haven’t moved yet. Before you finish that thought and open your eyes, you see a person climbing up the stairs. They have seemingly progressed halfway up.
“How did you get up there?”, you say in a loud voice.
They pause, startled by your question. They look down to reply, “I just walked up”
“Is there a trick to it? I get closer and they grow into a wall.”
“Grow?”, the stranger says in an inquisitive tone. “I have climbed these stairs every day and I have not seen them…grow. Just take a step up, the stairs are fine”
They continue up, the sound of their footsteps growing quieter as they ascend. You notice you are squinting. Has the door gotten closer? The door does seem closer than it was. Maybe you are imagining things, surely stairs can’t grow.
You approach the base of the stairs. So far, no change. You take a step up. Still, no change. Another step and another. It feels natural, one foot after the other. Progress! How long have you been here? five minutes? ten? hours? Hard to tell since you lost your watch. You start ascending the stairs and see that the stranger has already reached the last flight of stairs. Which, by the way, is further up than it seemed just a minute ago.
By the time the stranger reaches the door, you look down to see you have made some progress. You feel as if it has been a few seconds, but you have made it up three flights. Looking up, you can almost feel the warmth of the light through the doorway.
After a minute or two of walking, you can’t help but notice an archway leading to a dimly lit hallway. You stop to look down the hall then up towards the lit doorway. Oh no. The stairs are now gone. The familiar despair wells up again, but not before you notice the flickering you saw earlier.
The stair’s changing of states is unsettling. For a couple seconds it’s the normal stairs then to a wall for a couple more. If only you could get up before it changes. You focus your mind. Waiting for the right opportunity. Anticipating the pattern, you take a step forward. That hallway is familiar. As you think the wall is going to change, your momentum takes you face first into the stone.
Smack! The shock is more painful than hitting the wall. You did everything right. Right? Just walk up like the stranger said. Check. Focus on the goal. Check? What’s down the hallway? Che-…wait. Now all that fills your mind is this mysterious new path. But what about the door at the top of the stairs? pfft. The stranger made it up just fine and does it every day. I could come back! I’ll just figure out why this hallway is so familiar, there could be a shortcut.
As you peer into the dim hallway, your eyes adjust, and you see a door at the end. Walking towards the door you feel a tender bump on your forehead developing. Ouch. You approach the door which looks like the one at the top of the stairs but is closed. Taking your hand off your head you turn the knob and push the door open.
You enter a dimly lit room …
Apologies for the wall of text. I was inspired by this meme and had to write something about it.
No apologies needed! It kinda made me want to play a DnD game with you as DM =P
Finally an accurate depiction if how it feels. I will now show that everytime someone doesn't understand adhd