this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


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[–] dadGPT@lemmy.world 72 points 1 year ago (5 children)

also add " no offense " at the end of offensive statements to make them non offensive

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I always append no offence to benign statements to mess with people.

No offence.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

No offense, but this is a pretty funny idea. I'm no expert tho

[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 year ago

I like what you've done with your hair, no offence.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I do not respect you and would not care or even notice if you disappeared tomorrow and no one ever found you because you had been kidnapped and murdered in the worst way imaginable.

No offense.

[–] Bluehood380@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey. Fuck you.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] Jumuta@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

why the fuck are you offended? They CLEARLY said "no offense" idiot

No offense.

[–] Bluehood380@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey. I love you.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

😭 😭 😭

[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And prefix racism with "I'm not racist but...."

[–] bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago

I'm not racist but no offense

[–] rostby@lemmy.fmhy.net 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] sigh@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

but idk tho

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The next time you're applying for a job, post a fake job ad so that people give you their resumes. Then, you can edit one and apply for the job you want.

But idk tho

[–] Octopus1348@thelemmy.club 7 points 1 year ago

!unethicallifeprotips@lemmy.world

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I did do something like that once. I made up a position that was kinda close to what I was looking for and see how other people were applying and structuring their resumes.

Yes it worked, no I would not do it again.

[–] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 54 points 1 year ago (3 children)

If you are dating someone and you really feel like this relationship has potential then you should think back to the worst thing you've ever did. Do it again and see how they react. If they can't handle you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best.

But Idk tho.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, now I'm wanted for murder (again, ugh). But idk tho

[–] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

If you ever find yourself under arrest for murder the best possible thing you can do is just come clean about it quickly as possible. The sooner the better. Don't even wait for a lawyer. They'll admire your honesty and be lenient.

But idk though

[–] littlewonder@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

If they can't handle me at my diddliest, then they don't deserve me at my doodliest.

[–] Jumuta@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i can't do it again, there's only one tower left :(

[–] 257m@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Im sure we can rebuild it for you.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 31 points 1 year ago (3 children)

the professional version of this is 'theoretically'. you can tack it on to the end of almost anything and it immediately makes whatever you said non-committal.

[–] Enigma@sh.itjust.works 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Theoretically, you could also tack it on at the beginning.

Or you could also, theoretically, tack it on in the middle of a sentence.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago
[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Well only if "theoretically" is followed by a statement compatible with supported theory. Too many people confuse theory with hypothesis

[–] yamapikariya@lemmyfi.com 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You can easily get away with using "Theoretically" in every situation, hypothetically speaking.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Let's do a thought experiment on this hypothetical.

[–] ALostInquirer@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Where might hyporetically fall into this? Hyporetically speaking, for the real theothetists that might press the matter.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Theoretically, I had underetood the opposite.

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Didn't they just arrest some 4chan Nazi for doing that?

[–] Snowpix@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 year ago

Don't quote me on that.

[–] CatZoomies@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Not financial advice.”

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] BenGFHC@kbin.social 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] walter_wiggles@lemmy.nz 5 points 1 year ago

But idk tho

[–] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 year ago

Whenever I announce "I ANAL" I commit to it and include the space.

[–] eskimofry@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

He anal butt

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 14 points 1 year ago

If you are Canadian, also state that you are sorry at the end of every statement ..... sorry.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Good advice, but I don't know.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

its good advice, theoretically.

[–] VinnieFarsheds@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Theoretically yes but idk tho

[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

"just my 2 cents but you are ultimately responsible for your decisions"

[–] chickenpotpi@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

"dont worry bro, you should just do what i said, i think, probably maybe"

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

DON'T DO THIS:

  • Soften chocolate ice cream and chill the glass. Take the ice cream out of the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes before use. At the same time, place your glass in the freezer. This will keep the shake cold when you serve it

-Measure the ingredients. 1 cup ice cream to 1/4 cup milk is a great ratio.

  • Blend the shake. In a blender, combine the milk and ice cream and blend until smooth. Add any your mix-ins and blend them in to your desired consistency.

  • Measure out the special secret ingredient - the 32.7 days, fermented cum sauce. Remember to consume 250 grams of pineapples prior to producing 100ml of that precious, pearly goodness.

  • Remember this: No matter how yummy the cum sauce looks, DO NOT DIP YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS TO LICK IT. You never know where your hands have been touching.

-Serve. Pour the shake into the chilled glass and serve immediately.

  • Remember to enjoy this with your family! Cheers! :)

But idk tho...