this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2023
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{Image of hand drawn Kool-Aid man} 11/03/06(Fri)03:27:18 No.15262301 [Reply][Quick Reply]

9th grade: My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.

Me: It's allright. Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it?

I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.

Girl: How 'bout warming it up ... by rubbing it on my tits?

So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy.

She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her vagina with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her vagina. I had seriously underestimated this vagina's liquid retention volume.

Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE ?! 7!7!7 OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME!

I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.

Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!

I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her vagina and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.

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[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 101 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You know what? I'm going to put my phone down and wash the car like I've been meaning to. I think I'm done.

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago
[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 28 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Hey, at least it was diet. You wouldn't wanna do that with the full-sugar stuff

[–] Pinklink@lemm.ee 3 points 11 months ago

Still acidic af. This could absolutely still result in yeast infection

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

This one actually sounds real.

[–] SuperEars@lemmy.world 30 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I entertained it being real until it called Diet Coke sticky, which it is not.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I dunno, have you ever had diet coke spewed onto you from and by a horny teenage vagina?

(hello fbi)

[–] Pinklink@lemm.ee 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 1 points 10 months ago

loving the implication that the FBI has learned this by experiment

[–] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago

Absolutely fucking not

[–] wagesj45@kbin.social 13 points 11 months ago

I choose to believe.

[–] kib48@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] callyral@pawb.social 1 points 11 months ago

pretty sure that's a normal 9th grade age, although it probably varies from country-to-country

[–] callyral@pawb.social 1 points 11 months ago

why is it that the moment i read "diet coke" i thought "hey, that's just a theory, a GAAAAAMEEE theory"