this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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My Time in Arcadia (oncomputer.games)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by buru5@lemmy.world to c/keepwriting@lemmy.world
 

i run a gaming blog that is more like a creative writing blog. i just published this essay. the essay's main theme is nostalgia and living-in-the-past told through personal stories.

if you read it, let me know what you think. thanks.

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[–] fartsparkles@sh.itjust.works 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I wanted to like this piece as it shares so much with my own childhood but it’s hard to connect with in the third person, especially as it’s confused between poetry and prose. Its first person title “My time in Arcadia…” doesn’t prepare you for the arms length, peering-through a window at the subjects in the third person that follows. What I assume is actually a personal reminiscence doesn’t come across until you later switch person to the first.

Also, the repetition of “Arcadian Youth” was fatiguing. I think I’d read Arcadia 7 or 8 times in a few paragraphs and, especially since “Arcadia” connotes; idyllic, quiet, peaceful, oneness with nature, splendour, harmony. Up late, killing buddies on the Xbox doesn’t say “Arcadian” to me which I think is the crux of why I don’t think this piece works.

Perhaps you’re using “Arcadia” as it sounds similar to “arcade”? Arcadia is from Greek, after a province In antiquity known for its unspoilt wilderness, named after a nymph who was a hunter and king of the area. Arcade is from Latin, “arc” as in archway, since in France arcades were indoor streets with vaulted, arched ceilings. I think both words have deeper roots in meaning “bow” but in a modern sense, they’re very different. It came across as a tenuous, poetic verse being forced upon me every few sentences that added nothing but a touch of confusion. And the Latin section titles regarding the Greek location, given this piece is hardly Virgil, is somewhat pretentious.

You write well and I honestly think you could turn this into something compelling by renaming to “Arcadian Youths” if you’re attached to it, dropping all other instances of that phrase, perhaps bar one near the end, dropping the Latin (as it serves no purpose to the text except noise), change the first half to first person from third (and stick to it!), tidy up your tenses (and stick to past tense!), then you can bring us to present at the end while you reflect.

As a Bildungsroman, the psychological and moral growth that stems from the fear and relief of finding Jake is a transitional moment; when Arcadia turns to Arkansas; when the simplicity of life fades into reality and all its complexities. You could lean on that; the fact the story is what you remember so well from those nights of gaming, and how you yearn to return, perhaps before Jake was lost, makes for a compelling and insightful read.

[–] buru5@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I appreciate you taking the time to read the peice and your sincere feedback! I won't make any changes to the piece now, as I consider it finished (even if flawed), although I will incorporate your feedback into my future writing; especially the bit around tenses and perspectives, something I need to work on across all my writing.

I can see how the references to Arcadia may be perceived as pretentious, was a risk. The original reference comes from the title of the painting "Et in Arcadia ego," which is the first chapter's title. Specifically, the second popular interpretation regarding nostalgia.

"...this second version shifted the focus from a warning about the inevitability of death to a contemplation of the past and a sense of nostalgia."

Plus, yes, it sounds like Arcade (lol) and it's used in a similar fashion in a manga/anime I enjoy titled "Space Captain Harlock: Arcadia of my Youth." In the essay's sense, we view our youth as Arcadia -- the golden age of splendor when everything was grand and intoxicating; a place in our mind we try to get back to.

The second chapter is a reference to 'unaware' (or maybe 'ignorant'), and refers specifically to Jake living in my (or maybe his own) Arcadia but being unaware of it (considering his condition), the third chapter title simply continues the Latin naming convention with "My Golden Years." So, yes, maybe a bit pretentious.

[–] CaptainSpaceman@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago

I appreciate you taking the time to read the peice and your sincere feedback! I won’t make any changes to the piece now, as I consider it finished (even if flawed), although I will incorporate your feedback into my future writing

Love this philosophy!