I struggle with existentialism, mostly since 2020, but also my upbringing.

Since 2020 I kinda just realized everything is bullshit. I used to think everything was bullshit before 2020, but 2020 and the years since seem to shove it in our faces that [America] actually is bullshit. It's just like.... Trying to point out a car accident right in front of someone and them not being able to see it.

I don't see any order and when there is order it's only for those that profit from the rules. No one actually helps ime even if it's their profession. Going to my states mental health program made me feel like such a criminal. And they did nothing to help.

A lot of "methods" to deal with autism aren't meant to help autistic people feel at ease, it's to condition them to not bother neurotypicals.

Hence masking.

I hear you. I've been called a "loner" and "different" my whole life. Sometimes people called me a "rebel" and a "troublemaker". Turns out I'm autistic. Yay me.

And society at large likes to play by rules made up and enforced by itself. Us autistic people aren't included in those. And thus we wind up trying really hard to play by the rules, only to find out others don't... and they don't face any consequences.

If the rules exist to keep me in check, but everyone else gets to roam free, it isn't personal responsibility. Instead, it's a failure of society at large to recognize us and accommodate us equally and fairly.

And... that's why I'm into politics.

It’s like they say “we have methods and systems, if they don’t work; well, that’s because of you.” The system seems built around avoidance of responsibility; pushing consequences down instead of up. They keep moving the goalposts and gaslight when you confront them.

Sounds like people on a power trip making themselves feel better. I've been in professional mental health settings (autism is not my specialty at all), and I have heard so much victim-blaming from therapists saying that their client isn't getting better because they're not doing the work. They can't accept that they aren't helping the client and that their titles and degrees don't have any effect in the practical world, so they blame-shift onto the person with less power to maintain their delusion of superiority. It's straight up out of the narcissist playbook.

The idea is “inclusion” is still a new concept, and mainly throughout the western world.