this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
1607 points (99.1% liked)

Programmer Humor

32443 readers
1240 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 48 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 112 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I've met this bird. It only prioritizes issues as urgent; when interacted with, it'll say "yes, this is part of MVP"

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 75 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I'll kill you , you stupid bird!

If everything is high priority, nothing is high priority!

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 39 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I had a list of 30 items I had to prioritize with clients the other day. We ended up with about two dozen Priority 1s and the rest were 2s.

So I had to go back and say, "let's prioritize the 1s" and at least got them to agree to 1.A, 1.B, and 1.C.

[–] Ephera@lemmy.ml 31 points 7 months ago

This is why I really don't think absolute priority values work. I much prefer relative priority, i.e. dragging cards into an order.

Of course, the challenge with that is in clarifying that it's not a strict order in which tasks will be tackled.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 15 points 7 months ago

You are a wizard.

[–] ironhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 9 points 7 months ago

I have had multiple managers who are incapable of understanding this.

[–] Vent@lemm.ee 48 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Could be worse, mine have started saying "the MVP must be feature complete and 100% bug free" but there's a 0% chance there's enough budget for that.

[–] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 17 points 7 months ago (3 children)

And what sort of an MVP is feature-complete and completely bugless?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 9 points 7 months ago

Minimum Viable Player

[–] LoamImprovement@beehaw.org 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The one in the manager's mind, that also isn't actually an MVP because sales over-promised and now you have to find a way to deliver.

[–] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 2 points 7 months ago

Ahh, sales…

The best sales folks are the ones who promise customers things that are literally impossible (and I do mean literally, eg. promising something that essentially solves the halting problem). Those are always fun to sort out

[–] BallsandBayonets@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

I can deliver completely bugless. The secret is code that doesn't do anything, acts the same as code that doesn't exist.

[–] newthrowaway20@lemmy.world 88 points 7 months ago (3 children)

A good project manager can make all the difference. I've worked with shitty ones and great ones. Great ones are on top of the project, fielding questions and wrangling together key players. Shit ones don't do any of that then get surprised on their own call when they are behind schedule.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 23 points 7 months ago

The more I learn about project managers the more I realize I am a project manager in a factory. Just a criminally underpaid project manager...

We don't have titles here because god forbid anyone discover what their value actually is.

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Then you ask a PM for specs before you start, or at least a brief with what needs to be done, and maybe a rough planning based on estimates and not what the customer said what are the deadlines, and they get really offended.

[–] bort@sopuli.xyz 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

what does "get surprised on their own call" mean?

[–] Astongt615@lemmy.one 22 points 7 months ago

They are usually responsible for planning, generating, and running regular project team meetings. So they get people together but sometimes have done no work since the last meeting they held, so when someone has a reasonable issue that doesn't meet with the pre done schedule 5 years ago when the project was first instigated, they have super Pikachu face and get mad at the actual doers because they don't get to just report "on schedule" to their bosses. They could be called the landlords ofthe project based on the sentiment of the greater Lemmy community.

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 66 points 7 months ago (4 children)

I've worked with the worst project managers. Sit in a meeting for an hour completely silent, then at the end ask questions that were already answered. I'd love that job. That or scrum master. Our scrum master is fucking useless. I think if he doesn't move stories around swim lanes he will explode.

[–] Crack0n7uesday@lemmy.world 32 points 7 months ago (2 children)

When I first started applying for IT jobs back in the day I would see "Scrum Master" jobs get posted a lot and I would think to myself "why the fuck do they need to hire a rugby player" before I knew what a scrum master actually did.

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 16 points 7 months ago

I once met one of those.

Just the type @Cold_Brew_Enema is talking about. Self-important douche who literally tried holding presentation on what scum master does. On a recreational evening. And we had no choice but sit there and listen because the space we were spending the evening in was the conferencerooms/sauna of their company. Then he had a brilliant idea of making people do airplanes as a "social activity." Ugh. The average age in that room was past 30.

And yes I'm aware I wrote "scum", it was on purpose. It was either that or "cum", but I don't want to slut-shame anyone and imagine any potential cum masters out there being more pleasant to be around than him.

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think a rugby player would be more useful in some situations

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

Strong terry tate vibes

[–] Xanis@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

Oh god that reminds me of an old boss. I'm the type to sit in meetings and listen. Taking in everything and asking few questions/making few statements. I got pulled aside one afternoon and asked, "Why aren't you participating in the meetings? You hardly speak up and sit there looking bored." So after a few minutes of this talk I absolutely began asking the actual hard questions that I used to water down while putting in applications on the side.

Got pulled into a meeting a couple months (and several interviews) later on some email discussion I forwarded as way of explanation for a situation I was loosely involved with. The other email participant and I had a very strong relationship and because of that some professionalism fell off. Nothing truly informal. More khakis than dress pants if you will. Anyway, they tried slapping me with the old dreaded formal warning not over the situation, over "my tone used with another professional", so I pulled out the undated and unsigned notice I had been carrying around since that initial talk.

Anyway, story went on longer than expected. Point is, sometimes you're fucked either way.

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I want the title of scrum master just because it sounds gross. Keep your dirty hands off my scrum!

[–] LiveLM@lemmy.zip 4 points 7 months ago

She scrum on my master until I.... agile?????

[–] psud@aussie.zone 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I have been a scrum master for a couple of years. If you can facilitate, teach some scrum basics, and have some ability to get good work from people it's the easiest job there is

Unfortunately my "train" downsized and my team was dissolved (the team was 80% contract staff in a government IT area, and we had to lose all the contract people) and I've been moved to a product owner role

PO isn't going to be nearly as easy, but it has a good chance of being more fun

[–] sheogorath@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

If you're competent, a SM is invaluable, however it's one of the easiest to replace role. As an example, almost all of the engineers in my division has a PSM I certification. So all the SM do is just facilitate meetings. When we started we have around 5 SMs but currently only have 1 because all of the SMs are redundant since the team already know how scrum works.

[–] Zuberi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 54 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Watching the bean counter (who makes >350k) struggle to open a PDF is 🤌🤌🤌

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's the life of a bean for ya

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

Just wait until they get a turkey stuck on their head.

[–] TheOSINTguy@sh.itjust.works 28 points 7 months ago (1 children)

And yet he is better then most

[–] sparky@lemmy.federate.cc 22 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Not sure whether to laugh or cry at this one..

[–] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 19 points 7 months ago

Considering what a fucking tragicomedy life on Earth has turned into, I think doing both – possibly at the same time – is a valid reaction

[–] istanbullu@lemmy.ml 19 points 7 months ago

80% of project managers are useless. But if you find a good one, they are worth their weight in gold.

[–] imnotfromkaliningrad@lemmy.ml 11 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

did he also learn to complain about the quality of your work despite clearly being incapable (or unwilling) of doing it better himself?

[–] colournoun@beehaw.org 3 points 7 months ago

I see you’ve met my boss.

[–] S_204@lemm.ee 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

He didnt hire himself, he hired you..

[–] imnotfromkaliningrad@lemmy.ml 3 points 7 months ago

well, my shit works and i deliver on time. he has no reason to complain.

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

Is there much difference between sitting or shitting on a blocking issue apart from the H?