Just switch to open source beer

No, no. You have to line the trees with mirrors to reflect his hacking signals.

Make sure your wifi is wired to the wall, then your neighbor's crime counts as wire fraud. As a private, natural person, you might also look into some loopholes in the Uniform Commercial Code.

If you can find a bear, it might be enough to distract the neighbor, and maybe he’ll share his trees with you

Even if you manage to stop the WiFi hack he can still get in to your network through the ethernet ports. He could train an army of ants to pull a wire through a small hole in your wall and attach it to your router.

Just in case, fill all your unused ports with yoghurt. This will drown the ants

i recommend you invest in a good beer safe with a good fire wall. maybe a wall safe, and install it behind this painting.

Easy, buy a nice second hand microwave, remove any shielding from the rear part. Ask a skilled friend to make it microwave stronger. Put it as close as possible to neighb’s wifi. Switch it on, leave it on, hacking is now fixed.

The solution is pretty simple:

Either drink all your beer so he can still none, or turn off your wifi so he can't hack.

Just set up an unprotected network with a fun proxy:

https://pete.ex-parrot.com/upside-down-ternet.html

You can use those plastic xmas trees as long as you have enough metal ornaments in them.

I recommend metal tinsels because they are easier to ground.

Have you tried a binary tree? They can grow very fast and are very resistant against digital attacks.

Edit: bonary tree -> binary tree

Juat drink all the beer and he will have nothing to steal :)

Bamboo, dude. Will grow 100 ft tall in no time.

Replace beer with piss.