Dark blue clownfish. On the floor with my kid, it may hurt when I get up.

Seems like a good trade off. 2 years in prison < 18 years in prison. Anyway, fuck Nebraska.

Yup, those that say that we are the best country in the world typically have not left the US for more than a week at a time. It also fuels their xenophobia and the thought that resourceful immigrants that are taking the initiative to seek out a better life are somehow less than human.

Are we just reposting boomer Facebook memes at this point? Maybe we can post something about the lack of work ethic of millennials and complain about transgenders in sports. You know what I hate? Taxes. Anyway, gotta go spread syphilis to the rest of The Villages.

As an accountant, I assure you that I advised the stakeholder about the risks and possible outcomes of their actions first. I’m out of it now, but working for privately owned small to midsize businesses was a trip…

I don’t even value me, no corporation gives a crap. They want you and your recurrent income.

I’d love to, “but I work a 9 to 5, so I’d like to fight crime from, like, 6 to 9.”

God only helps those who grift, er, help themselves.

I took out my flip phone camera and took a picture of the screen. How do I text it to Facebook?

He clearly just wants some Kenny Rogers Roasted Chicken.

Unfortunately, he didn’t get the humor of Conan nor the artistic ability of Tarantino. Just the hairdo of Conan and a foot fetish.

Cool, could you pick me up some fentanyl laced meth? I’m plumb out.