The cat flopping over the first time he wears the backpack was spot on

For your keyboard, have you tried openboard? You can switch between languages with the space bar.

I'm still bitter that they killed Inbox. It was superior to Gmail in every way.

All I can think of is that OP is going to some kind of comic-con and has intricate body paint/an outfit that is so inconvenient to take on and off that they'd rather minimize their food and drinks for 3 days.