drbollocks

like “supporting” someone with adhd but hating them and believing they should be shunned or treated differently for interrupting others, not paying attention, and not being able to sit still, rather than try to help them or tell them not to interrupt the conversation.

or “supporting” deaf people but getting mad because they only talk sign language and can’t hear what you say.

I have quite a few disorders and i’ve been talked abt and treated like shit for it, and not just because I have the disorder but because im different. I don’t fit in anywhere and never will.

all of my “friends” talk shit abt me and my disabilities, and then one person is always like “oh yeah, this person said this about you and they hate that you can’t pay attention, and that person says you should jump off a cliff!”

i have heard this a lot with downright cruelty or bullying. i’ve talked to someone and they have said “they could just be having a bad day!!”

you may think you’re helping if you say this, but it doesn’t help in my opinion.

it doesn’t mean i can’t be taken care of just because im autistic.

it’s not my fault i got hurt for years as a child.

i’m not less than human just because im bi and autistic.

i know you say “people” hate me, that my friends don’t like my interests and see me as lesser. it can’t be that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, EVEN MY CLOSE FRIENDS hate me. this is why no one likes you. they like me and told me they never said that so thanks for dying to make me feel bad. EVEN ADULTS.

i know it’s YOU WHO FEELS THAT WAY. WHAT A SHAME. truly sick how people act toward those who are different.

you don’t deserve an ounce of my respect, love, or sympathy.

you hurt me for so long for years and triggered my ptsd. i hate you and people should stop sympathizing with you and feeling bad for you.

I HATE YOU. I NEVER WANNA FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN. PEOPLE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT HOW HARSH I WAS TO YOU BUT YOU FUCKING SUCK. YOU VILE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

YOU DON’T DESERVE THE SMALLEST MEASUREMENT OF MY KINDNESS OR MERCY OR ANYTHING.

YOU SEE ME AS LESS THAN HUMAN AND WANT TO HURT ME. YOU MAKE MY DISABILITY MY WHOLE IDENTITY. YOU SAY I’M RETARDED. YOU CALL ME TOO DISGUSTING TO BE ATTRACTIVE OR HAVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION SHOWN TO ME.

YOU’RE FIXATED ON INTERACTING WITH MY FRIENDS AND TRY TO BRAINWASH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR OBLIVIOUS BRAINS. YOU SAY NICE PEOPLE ARE EASY TARGETS BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID. YOU SAY I’M TOO NICE. YOU PRAISE ME THEN DISCARD ME.

I’M TIRED OF TRYING TO SEE THE GOOD IN YOU. I. DON’T. CARE IF YOU HAD A BAD FUCKING DAY BECAUSE YOU’RE ABUSIVE AND YOU DON’T’ ABUSE PEOPLE ON BAD DAYS. WHAT IF YOU BEAT ME TO A PULP. “BAD DAY” HUH?

i have two friends who i’ve known since my freshman year, i’ll call them e and k. of course, since i’ve known them for so long, i’ve trusted them with a certain thing: i’m autistic.

however, e and k (especially e), although usually nice people who include me and stuff, i feel like they just pity me and tend to make autism my entire identity.

i understand that both girls didn’t grow up with many friends due to being seen as “strange”, and are therefore quite cynical and lost hope about people.

in sophomore year when i confessed that i liked e: “sorry, i’m not into your kind of people.”

“how come people absolutely despise [me]? she’s so nice but people hate her for having tics and being autistic.”

“don’t be friends with them! they hate you, you know because they think you’re ret4rded.”

she’s gotten nicer now, and i know that e and k were trying to be nice about it and less blunt (that’s what they said and that they were quoting them, not saying so themselves), but i also don’t get (unless they overheard) how these people are comfortable talking to them about it.

what i’m more upset about, though, is the fact that so many people apparently think of me as just a “ret4rded kid” and nothing more despite being in multiple honors classes (all honors, in fact, since 8th grade).

this has been on my mind a bit, especially as someone who’s faced discrimination their whole life for being autistic.

this, however, goes back to fourth grade. i was 9 & 10. my school social worker was named mrs. h, and she acted a lot like a high school “mean girl”.

my dad called her bipolar once due to the fact that she’d be aggressive and rude one day, and perfectly cheerful the next.

sadly, i never spoke to s again, but i was once placed in a group with her. nothing ever bad happened with her, except for when she said she didn’t like talking about my interests but mrs. h wanted me to listen to hers. i later found out s didn’t even care if she heard about my interests but mrs. h told her to say she didn’t like it.

i found out that s didn’t even like mrs h because she apparently threatened s to say things that were untrue and harmful, and made her (an 11 year old) cry for not wanting to.

afterwards, i was in a group with r, t, and z. i only currently know t because neither r nor z go here.

i always had these ideas for hangouts with the three so i could make friends during weekly lunch groups with mrs. h, but they’d always be like “nooo… i don’t really want to.” or what z said: “yeah but other people would be left out if only us 4 hung out” (despite the fact that z & t always hung out).

mrs. h would then be like “looks like they don’t wanna hang out with you,” and shrug

I don’t quite remember what r did, but she was constantly rude. then she’d smile at me and want to hang out.

there were several times mrs. h defending my being bullied, said being hit by bullies was “ok”. i also have a history of going on online chat rooms at age 7-8, and every day i was convinced being harassed by those predators was my fault. a crime. after all, it was just like mrs. H and everyone said: i did this to myself and therefore deserved my trauma.

she asked me once “does anyone in your family drink?”

i said: “my dad has a bottle of beer every so often with dinner.”

when i came home, my family was angry and told me “mrs. h called and said you told her your whole family was in rehab.”

i, of course, never said this.

in lunch groups, she would also get mad at me for stimming and wouldn’t let me speak to others, constantly interrupting me and punishing me for speaking when she’d let other kids speak.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/24841113

!websitepromo@lemmy.blahaj.zone

!websitepromo@lemmy.blahaj.zone

i’m constantly told to give up on my goals. they’re not even unrealistic, i don’t want to be a big, giant unicorn who saves the world or something.

my (18f) sister (13f) has severe ocd and depression [is seeing a professional, will take meds]. she is constantly venting to me, walking in when i’m trying to do something private, etc. when i dont respond to her text right away, she tells me i hate her and she “knows i don’t care abt her”.

she constantly wants connections with others, but when they don’t give her exactly what she wants 24/7, she says she hates them and never wants to speak to them again.

i love her but idk how to help.

i know it’s not just “teenage hormones” (18f). i cannot yet be given a diagnosis on anything though i will be talking to a psychiatrist. this is really fucked up, i hate this so much.

i’ll be full of energy, all these ideas and motivation. i’ll talk really fast and have no need for sleep.

then, i’ll get depressed. i was doing GREAT all week and today, but now i’m about to cry simply because my friend only spends time with her friend group and never me. i was mad at that and suddenly ready to block everyone but i feel guilty and im mad at myself for being this way.

i know she can hang out with her trio, i know we’re still friends. i normally wouldn’t be mad but i truly think i’m going insane.