this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
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54
How do you talk to people? (lemmygrad.ml)
submitted 15 hours ago by borschtisgarbo@lemmygrad.ml to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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I'm a neurodivergent, asocial person. Always have been. Though i still have had a few friends during my life. I managed to get by for a while with just the 2-3 people I talk to, but recently I've started to get really lonely. The way i've made friends in the past has been someone approaching me, not the other way around though. I don't know how to make friends/acquaintances with other people on my own. Me growing up with the internet probably played a role in my lack of real life social skills, i'm guessing

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[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 2 points 5 hours ago

Have something meaningful that's on your mind, and periodically share it while being polite. As long as you're polite, it's rather unlikely that any attention/interaction is unwanted- partly because so many other people are lonely and starved of meaningful interactions too.

Maybe you have a note on your phone or in your pocket of what's been on your mind. Maybe you notice something in the moment. As long as people aren't upset or in a hurry, they tend to appreciate someone talking to them and trying to find common ground. Going to events is a really good way to increase the opportunities for doing this.

Much of the time, any "awkwardness" that's there is a creation of your own mind. It takes a bit of experience to get used to convincing yourself "there is no reason for this to be awkward, I'm just being the genuine version of myself". There is no external script that you might be failing to follow. Just follow you. Not everyone will click well but some people will, and they'll make it all worth it.

At 19 I was a shut-in with no in-person friends and didn't really know how to talk to people. These days it seems like half the town (even after the location changing a few times) knows me. And I'm extremely eccentric, and somewhat introverted.