this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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Teach me your secrets!
Which half are you having trouble with? The apathy, or the pretense?
The pretense. I do not have a good poker face.
You don't want a poker face! You want to be very expressive. But voice is even more important. Pitch voice soft and a little low, and always decreasing at the end of a sentence, the opposite of asking a question. Like a kind parent talking to a tired toddler or particularly stupid dog.
You're trying to slip information into the person at a subconscious level, and the information you want to slip in is that you, the speaker, are trustworthy and will take care of them. It's much easier to do this than to actually figure out and fix whatever bullshit problem they've created for themselves.
Note that this is not effective on people you see everyday, as they will eventually realize you didn't do anything to actually help them. But for one-offs, work associates-of-associates, clients you're not the sole contact for, and the more distant sort of relative, it works pretty well.
That's pretty hilarious and I don't doubt it's efficacy!
I'll admit my trouble with these situations is I can't help but care about people or fixing things, often to save them from themselves as if they're, like you said, toddlers.
I start to resent being taken advantage of though. It's tough. :(
So you're also struggling with the apathy part, huh? For me, waiting tables, I just don't think of the guests as fully human. They come in hungry and I make sure they leave happy. Giving them a sense of assurance is a part of that, but as soon as they're out the door they cease to exist.
As to resentment, you shouldn't be resentful of something you choose to do, or to put it another way, you shouldn't choose things to do that harm your own well-being.
It takes too much energy to have a good poker face, I'd rather just stay grumpy.