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Maintain eye contact.
Shit makes me so uncomfortable. Look at me all you want, that's fine. I'm going to look at that plant.
If you want to look at that plant, I'll look at you, but you can't have both.
Unless we both look at the plant. That's fine too.
I wish I could bang ass for longer than a minute :/
I have ADHD. Anyone telling you it is a super power is either lying or has a drastically different experience with it than I do.
Sleep instantly and without interruption
What up insomnia gang? Coming to you love from the bed at 6 AM. Too late to fall back asleep, too early to get up.
I wish I could have a baseline functional understanding of human interaction & relationships.
As someone who transitioned from a deeply introverted anxious young adult with a persistent stammer, to a relatively outgoing person who is capable of clear communication, the secret is caring less and forgetting that you exist.
There are steps though to get there:
This should hopefully get you along the way to forgetting that you exist in a conversation, and it should become second nature after a while.
I wish I could just live in the present without having to completely fake a personality to hide the fact I don't have one.
I wish I could actually listen to what is being said to me for more than 5 minutes. Instead of having my attention drift off and me starting to daydream about something the other said.
I wish it didn't take me so long to understand things that other people seem to get easily.
To be consistent on a physical level.
I play guitar and games like rocket league, things that require excellent physical dexterity, and consistency is a big factor. I struggle to repeat physical actions the same way every time. I practice lots, and I'm reasonably good at both things (imho), but I know I screw up more than most people because I can't repeat things the same way every time.
Not a common ability but some people have photographic memory.
I can't remember shit. Photographic memory would be life changing.
Your wish has been granted! You will now keenly remember old photographs ๐
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As someone with ADHD. My brain remembering things would be a game changer.
Executive functioning.
To do things at the proper time, and not procrastinate.
I truly don't know how some people work if not in a manic state for 10 hrs straight because you have a bunch of stuff due at the same time
I guess I could spread out the work, but sometimes I'm passively thinking of the best way to tackle it and other times it's a task I don't like doing.
People who are very good at instruments. I wish I just knew guitar to be able to shred on demand, but I just could not put in the time and effort to get there myself.
I would love to be able to say the most ridiculous, warped, ignorant, crazy ass shit, and have everyone else believe me to the point they are willing to fight on my behalf.
Oh wait..
Pretending to give a shit when I don't
It's literally how I make all my money.
Teach me your secrets!
Which half are you having trouble with? The apathy, or the pretense?
The pretense. I do not have a good poker face.
You don't want a poker face! You want to be very expressive. But voice is even more important. Pitch voice soft and a little low, and always decreasing at the end of a sentence, the opposite of asking a question. Like a kind parent talking to a tired toddler or particularly stupid dog.
You're trying to slip information into the person at a subconscious level, and the information you want to slip in is that you, the speaker, are trustworthy and will take care of them. It's much easier to do this than to actually figure out and fix whatever bullshit problem they've created for themselves.
Note that this is not effective on people you see everyday, as they will eventually realize you didn't do anything to actually help them. But for one-offs, work associates-of-associates, clients you're not the sole contact for, and the more distant sort of relative, it works pretty well.
It takes too much energy to have a good poker face, I'd rather just stay grumpy.
Don't compare your blooper reel with other people's highlights.
Also, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split up about twenty years ago and that relationship is still creating drama
Do you mean Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? The Brangelina split was in 2019.
My favorite Jolie story.
Lauren Ridloff is deaf. She was having problems with her cues in 'The Eternals.' Jolie told the director to use a laser pointer and then clean it up in post-production.
Also, they had to use her own kid in Maleficent because she was scaring all the other children.
I wish I could form intimate relationships.
To get what I want by just being cute. Like little kids or cute girls. Or to be automatically excluded from manual labor/heavy lifting for the same reason.
If you're a healthy boy, the moment you become a teenager is the moment you're just expected to be performing manual labor or other hot, sweaty activities. At least in the US ๐คท
Have you considered trying to dress cute or paint your nails?
The sort of natural looking and sincere charm that someone like Robert Downey Jr. can just turn on and work the whole room at once, not that fake or smarmy shit that has people commenting that it fake after the fact.
I've worked with accounts guys who can do it, I've watched them work close up, but I be damned if I cant just naturally do that.
To light things on fire with my mind.
You know someone who can light a fire with their mind?
Maybe. On a completely unrelated note, can you let me know the next time you'll be in public, preferably not standing within several feet of anyone else and anything flammable?
Not being anxious about almost everything.