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I have a conundrum, maybe people in this thread can weigh in.
I'm a woman living in an area with a small but loud MAGA faction and useless police who are probably also Trump supporters. I'm also not white.
Hunting is common here, and although I've never been I do know how to shoot and have access to classes if I want to improve. We also have friends and family with firearms and a couple of them live nearby.
I feel like I should get a gun. I know how to use one and I want to be able to protect myself if necessary. But I'm scared of firearms. Something about them disturbs me. Maybe it's the likelihood of someone dying once a gun comes out. Maybe it's just a fear, however unfounded, that I can't or shouldn't handle such a powerful tool. But the reason behind the feeling doesn't matter so much as my ability to overcome it, and I'm not sure I can. If I had money to burn I'd buy one just to see how I feel, but I don't so I can't.
In short, I'm torn. I want to be able to just get a gun for peace of mind and call it a day, but I fear that as soon as the gun is in my house I will become a nervous wreck and that will defeat the whole purpose.
I'd love to hear from anyone who feels the same or has overcome this fear.
Training and familiarization helped me a lot with that exact feeling. I had the same feeling about circular/table saws. My dad was a carpenter, and those things freaked me the hell out - one tiny mistake could have devastating consequences, and that was all I could think about when I was around them. But with careful instruction and exposure, learing to use and be more comfortable with them, that feeling was gradually replaced by calm and confidence, and they changed in my mind from these objects of terror into valuable tools. There was still fear, but it was a healthy, respectful fear.
I went through the exact same process with guns as well. Some classes with a good instructor, giving you a chance to get more comfortable and familiar before you bring a gun into your home, could help a lot.
Take a reputable course and learn about guns. They are dangerous in the hands of irresponsible untrained yokels but if you are smart and informed they can empower you and safeguard your well being.
Guns have traditionally been a pacifier for anxious right-wing weirdos who are afraid of Nancy Pelosi, but they are also a good hedge against those right-wing weirdos and will be a pacifier for your anxiety about them
I don't own a gun and feel the same as you. I am leaning toward getting a gun safe and keeping the gun and ammo locked up and hidden. If it gathers dust that's great, but having it there if I need it would be a comfort I think.
You do not want to have a gun that you're not comfortable with. Having to deal with a high stress situation and then trying to use a gun when you don't have brain-dead levels of familiarity with it is asking the trouble. Luckily it's fairly cheap to build most of the muscle-memory with dry-fire and handling drills. But if you plan on using it for home defense or personal protection, you need to be prepared so that your mind can focus on other things during your troubles.