this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[–] pastalicious@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago

I suspect I’m autistic and have adhd and have usually felt a sort of “but why” instinct to all gendered expectations put upon me. This is how I feel with all sorts of social pressures so I’m not sure if it’s a function of dysphoria specifically. I identify with my body and pronouns but that’s about where it stops.

Middle school was probably the only time I didn’t feel confident enough to just handwave the malign pressure boys can put on other boys. That middle school thing of being left alone, having friends and not being bullied being (or seeming) incumbent on walking a fine line and not looking uncool.

High school was great, I was as weird as I wanted to be. My sibling and dad also exhibit traits of autism and weren’t at all interested in putting gendered expectations on me; again I don’t know if the possible autism is the reason it just feels like analytical thinking is paramount in my family. Way later in adulthood I have a boss who does schrodingers jokes saying shit like “men don’t read manuals”, but I’m completely comfortable calling him a boomer and rallying my colleagues against his bad boomer opinions. I have no aspirations to his cliched vision of masculinity.

I saw demigender or Demi-boy as a possible name for someone who feels kind of male. Maybe that’s me? Or is society just building a huge house of cards on top of the concept of masculinity that doesn’t serve but a very small subset of men at best? Apologies for the ramble.