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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[–] OperationOgre@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I was talking to a partner, and I don't really remember what spurred it, but I kinda broke down a little bit and just expressed how things weren't really going well for me.

She was quiet for a few seconds and just looked at me, with what looked like a feeling of disgust, and said something along the lines of, "Men aren't supposed to act like this."

In my experience, if you allow yourself to be vulnerable (really vulnerable, not the kind of vulnerable where you just shed a single tear while watching Old Yeller) with a woman, it usually marks the end of the relationship. It won't happen immediately, but she'll become disgusted that you're not holding up your end of the gender role bargain, and things start to fall apart.

Obviously not all women are like this, and I don't want to come across like an incel screeching about females, but I've had a couple of relationships fail after a moment of "weakness," even if I thought my partner was progressive about heteronormativity. I think this is one of the nasty ways that the patriarchy programs women in particular and is yet another example of why it harms us all.

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

Yeah I had a partner who would complain I never told her anything, and when I did she would complain that there "was no room for her." She would also make fun of men not sharing their feelings. Or the way they shared them. When I told my best friend I had a depression he made me feel better. We were making jokes about it after 10 minutes. Was it how women would handle it? Probably not. She told me I was bad at talking about that kinda stuff, but whenever I talked to her about my issues, I felt like shit too. I just figured we had different methods of talking about it, her method was probably great for her girlfriends. I didn't tell her she was terrible at it though, because why would I?