this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2025
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Reluctant Detransition (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago by pyu@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I’m curious how other folks have managed life after detransition. Due to mental health stuff (ended up in “grippysock jail” over half a dozen times) and later losing health insurance, I detransitioned some years ago. Semi-recently I went back on hormones, got an orchiectomy (which eased bottom dysphoria considerably), and now find myself stuck somewhere in the middle. I present as male exclusively.

I get that some people may wish to perform gender along the lines of what I’m describing, and that’s totally valid but it is not the case for me. I find the current state of affairs incredibly frustrating: I would like to be perceived as a woman. Or at least part of me does - another part doesn’t care and is waiting until I can become an hero and end the whole sordid business. In either case, presenting as female poses significant challenges, and I’m too depressed and discouraged to even try to surmount them. Even when I was more functional and had the pecuniary advantage of an allowance, it was very clear that no matter how well I honed the art of “presenting” as female, I would probably never pass.

So, to restate the question, how do people deal with the fact that (as those in some quarters of the internet put it) “you will never be a real girl”?

(and incidentally, should anyone be concerned, I'm safe and currently under psychiatric care)

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[–] girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Not a detransitioner specifically, but I am stuck in the closet for the forseeable future, so we might have some things in common 🥲

While I am not exactly a shining example of happiness and success, I have at least managed not to die by my own hand so far, which is not nothing, I guess.

There are basically two things that keep me going:

  1. As long as I'm still here, I can fight.

The systems that keep me in the closet do not just oppress me, they oppress most of the world. Which means that there will always be people to fight alongside. Even if trans liberation isn't their direct goal. Even if I have to hide my transness from them.

I may never become who I'm meant to be. But that doesn't mean there aren't still things worth doing. Everything counts.

  1. I still have hope.

Consider that people during the Cold War lived in very justified fear of global nuclear armageddon. If I had lived through those times, I would never have believed that despite decades of fingers hovering over self-destruct buttons, the world would still survive. And yet, here we are.

I don't know how, but maybe we'll survive this apocalypse. Maybe someday it'll be safe for me to transition. I intend to stick around to find out.

Good luck, and I wish you the best, fellow traveller. I've written on a similar note in another thread, maybe you'll find it helpful: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/21727800/12811429

[–] pyu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 17 hours ago

fellow traveler

Your post gets at an issue I'm still coming to grips with, namely political consciousness. Owing to upbringing or temperament or whatever, historically I've skewed quite conservative. I could see myself someday becoming a Caitlyn Jenner-style trans woman, and I'm slightly horrified at the prospect.

All I expect out of politicians is to be left the f*ck alone, but both parties seem to fail in this regard. Republicans would like to legislate us out of existence, while Democrats are glad to use us as political props.

Basically I hope to disentangle my trans-ness from politics. They say "the personal is political," but I don't believe it.