The Onion

LOL, Chuck Schumer is really fucking 'combatting' the fascist takeover by appeasing and being complicit with it.

I keep seeing Democrats crying about how little power they have and how much their constituents are demanding that they do something and there's just nothing they can do. But there is. In fact I've put together a short list, and I even numbered each step so you can refer back to it more easily later.

1. Resist. Every. Step. Boot Chuck Schumer out on his ass for voting for the funding bill. Doesn't matter whether they needed his vote or not, collaborating with fascism = fascism. Make an example of him. Do not cross that line. Not one single Democrat vote on any Republican bill that harms people, tears them from their homes, removes their rights, or otherwise denies them the things they need to live. No exceptions. No compromise. Yeah, maybe they have all the power now, but one day soon that won't be the case and they will need you and they will know that you mean business and aren't afraid to spoke their wheels if they don't fucking behave.
2. Tell every single American exactly what it is they're doing and what the consequences will be. And I don't mean ramble on about how they're hurting America, I mean in specific detail. Build a website that is a point-by-point list of all the shit they're doing in simple terms and with data to the extent that it's possible, and make sure it's accessible and easy to use instead of just an excel spreadsheet or some shit. Talk about it every time a camera is put in your face. Talk about nothing else in fact. You say you have no power so you can't advance your own agenda, work on undermining theirs at every turn.
3. For the love of Christ can you please talk to the goddamned working class again? You know, the ones who your unwavering base before you walked back support for wage increases and undermined unions and weakened labor laws in the name of proto-fascist appeasement? Yeah, winning elections is important and that takes a lot of money, but all the money in the world ain't gonna do you a damned bit of good when the working class goes fully right-wing because they at least talk a good game about it even if their policies are incoherent.
4. Shut your whiny fucking mouth about what a terrible burden you bear. You signed up for this job, if you can't take the pressure and you can't shut up, give up the seat to someone who can. I will hear not one more word of this 'Well I spoke truth to power!' nonsense. No the fuck you did not, you whimpered to power (your constituents) and kowtowed to authority and your little fucking hand-signs mean precisely not one goddamned thing. To misconstrue the one for the other is to fundamentally misunderstand what power even is and how fucking privileged you are.
5. And while we're on the subject of what you're doing with your mouth, it's long past time to pull that oligarch's dick out it and take a look around you. There is more important shit in this world than whether or not you have enough money in your campaign fund. People are dying and you're over here all 'Won't someone please think of the economy?!' (read: 'my/my rich donors' stock portfolios')

You want my money? Then it's long past time to learn that you work for a living and do your fucking job.