So, a while ago it came out that my uncle（who's from outside the family and married in) cheated on my aunt (mom's sister).
They're still married. Honestly not sure what they'll do since he is the one with the job and our family doesn't have enough to support her and her children.
But I just don't get it. I get falling out of love or even finding other people besides your spouse attractive, but cheating is just such a layered lasagna of shit.
1.You want to eat your cake and have it too. (There's an entire community of people who cheat on their spouses called "cake eaters."). I don't understand what you get out of that though unless you're just really lustful (and even I wouldn't do that and I'm a lustful removed). If you want to break up/divorce that's fine but you can't just have emotional/physical relationships without changing anything. Which leads to point 2
2.How little fucking respect do you have for your wife and family? Because the thing is that youre denying your partner any autonomy in the relationship. You dont even respect them enough to even talk about it, or you don't respect them enough to think they deserve to know about it or will ever find out.
I mean look, there been some stories I've heard where I understand, if the relationship is already dead. It still sucks but I can understand if it's inevitable anyway. But otherwise i just can't conceptualize how selfish and shit you have to be to do it.
And I wouldn't ask if it wasn't so common. I mean it doesn't happen in every relationship but it's so common basically everyone is paranoid their partner is cheating on them. So I just really don't get it
I think it just sometimes comes down to feeling trapped by circumstances. I'm not saying there is no other choice but sometimes the person does not feel there is another choice or cannot perceive another realistic path.
It may be in this situation that your uncle wanted to go his own way but felt like he couldn't because his family depends on him, as you said, so he was trying to do the right thing while also taking care of his needs. All of the pain and uprooting of the family which that would cause is avoided by staying and stepping out instead, especially if undiscovered. Is it still deceitful and hurtful to your aunt and the family? Of course, that goes without saying, but maybe he felt trapped in a corner. I'm speculating, I don't know your uncle nor the situation beyond what you've shared.
As someone who had partners who cheated and who has very close friends that were shattered by cheating partners, I think the most important thing we can do is accept that this sometimes happens and it's not always because someone in particular is at fault. The worst thing someone can do is get mired in how impossible it is to understand, how it could ever happen to them, unbelievable that this person would do that, how can anyone ever be trusted again, love is not possible, etc. I was there myself for a while and one friend of mine was bitterly for many years, just recently getting out of it, and no one should be stuck there. People need to be able to accept it and let it go. I won't go so far as to say forgive, but it's not a mystery of the universe that most human beings need and want to fuck and the social and legal construct of a relationship or marriage may not hold that need and desire back under certain circumstances. Ultimately, the person cheated on will need to take care of themselves (emotionally, at least) and they will have to be able to let it go to avoid prolonging and maximizing damage.
I also am a fan of poly or open relationships, and I've done that before, but it's still possible to cheat in those circumstances if rules are broken so unsure why people are bringing that up like it resolves the issue. That being said, it would probably help in some situations like these if people could agree to it and understand the love/romance aspect of their partnership is gone. I agree with the adage that you can go from open to closed but you can't go from closed to open, though. It is too difficult on the relationship, in my opinion.
All of this reminds me of the Before Trilogy, including the cheating. I can't recommend that trilogy enough to anyone who is at least over 30 and has had at least one major relationship fail, even better if you're older and had more pain. Same goes for the Days of Being Wild, In the Mood for Love, 2046 trilogy. Just amazing films about humanity in relation.