Ask Lemmy

It depends on the person.

The first bipolar person I (knowingly) met was someone who transferred into my school when I was 12. This girl began to mercilessly bully me. It started with the “usual” things, like insults and shoving in the halls. But it ramped up. She destroyed my class projects. She beat the shit out of me to the point I lost a tooth. I had to get changed for gym in the gym teacher’s office, and she snuck a phone beneath the door to photograph me undressed.

Eventually, I couldn’t attend school anymore, and had to spend the final few years being homeschooled instead.

But, leaving school didn’t make her stop. It’s been sixteen years since I first met her, and it’s still continuing. She still harasses and stalks me, my partner and my family, both on and offline. This ranges from insults and threats sent via online platforms, to physical assaults or vandalized property/vehicles IRL, to one instance of SWATing.

She has spent time in jail for some of the things she’s done to us, but that hasn’t deterred her. Some of us are planning to leave the country soon (not because of her, it’s for other reasons) and one of the things we’re looking forward to is her no longer being able to get to us offline.

I’m aware that she is bipolar. Back when we were in school together, during the many meetings that involved her parents, that was something they always brought up. But (and I’m obviously not in a position to diagnose her) I have doubts that bipolar is the only thing that this person has.

Her parents also excused all of her abusive behaviors during those meetings at school, and continue to do so to this day, which I feel plays a far more significant role in her actions than the disorder itself does. They also said they were not medicating her with anything during those meetings, and were just using talk-therapy as the only form of treatment. I don’t know if she’s taking medication now or not.

So, it’s bipolar, mixed with some other disorder, mixed with absolutely terrible parenting where she never faced any consequences until she was already neck-deep in this cycle. I blame her parents for how she turned out long before I’d blame the disorder.

But, since you want all possible realities, I still wanted to mention her. I think she’s what can happen if something serious is left unaddressed, untreated, and the focus is on excuses instead of healing. To be honest, I feel bad for her in spite of all she’s done, because she needed help at an early age, didn’t get it, and so she’s continually gotten worse. No way is she a happy person like this, and she could have been with a proper intervention.

I also know that how she behaves isn’t how most people with bipolar behave. I’ve met several other people who’ve told me they have bipolar, and they’re very different. Both from her and from each other.

My closest friend with bipolar, from what I’ve experienced with them, mainly struggles from the depressive episodes, will zigzag between feeling worthless and feeling happy. This friend was hospitalized once for a suicide attempt before I met them.

This friend is taking medication and going to therapy, which both seem to help a lot. They said it took time to find the right medication and dosage though, and that certain things made them feel worse and behave in ways they didn’t want to. So, it’s something that needs to be handled carefully and monitored.

My friend only made the one suicide attempt, and has never tried to harm another person. They also have friends and family that would get them help if they expressed suicidal ideation again or displayed any other dangerous behaviors during an episode.

I think one of the biggest factors is just having a proper support system.