Ask Lemmy
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I understand that, but the Lemmy developers are deeply rooted in .ml. I just wonder whether it makes sense to support that. I am aware that this is FOSS, but there is no transparency as to whether my support actually ends up in the software development or perhaps in .ml, which I do not want to support.
Then the next best thing to do is to support instances directly. I'd guess most of them have a tip jar or donation box.
Be aware that if supporting unsavory people is your issue, you might want to skip some payment processors and pay the instance hoster directly. Some payment processors, like PayPal or Stripe, are into some unsavory stuff such as targetting sex workers, or appropriating your savings if you post speech they disagree with, or blocking access to service in countries of the third world.