this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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Autism
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I've noticed increase exponentially since I was diagnosed. It's like I realized that I was masking and not everyone else is also trying to act normal, so I rebelled by slowly removing the mask while I connect with my true self. Now, I'm extra quirky and it continues to intensify to the point that I almost insist on not wearing a mask at any time. I still wear one that's a bit transparent at work to keep things running smoothly, but my mask is nowhere as covering as it used to be.
I've experienced something similar, but I take it as I'm acknowledging my needs. Rather than force myself to accomplish all tasks by sheer will and dissociating from my sensory input and emotions, I acknowledge them and take steps to avoid over doing while also time to recover.
With both of these together, I would say that I'm the most me I've ever been, and that has given me a sense of peace I hadn't experienced before. It's pretty odd, but in a really good way.
Thanks for sharing. I'm still dealing with the concern that if I become more me, and less.of a workaholic, it'll negatively impact my career.
I think living my truth whould be me sleeping a lot more and generally more lazy. Though I'm currently aiming to improve my career, aiming for a promotion and pay off the mountain of debit I've been struggling under.
However the reality is that I have burst if productively where I get weeks of work done. Most of the day I am on lemmy here, or in a state of half sleep untill quitting time. I just jiggle my mouse so teams shows me as availible. So I'm not really all that productive now. But the illusion that I'm working hard for 8 hours a day in more important then what I am actually doing I guess.
What's worse is I like my job, it's good work that actually helps people. So unproductive days just feel awful.
Woah, that sounds rough. In my experience, when I have behaved like you described, I was burnt out and depressed. I'm currently recovering from a multi-month rough period, but with the help of an autism therapist. I'm slowly re-engaging in life while paying attention to how my body feels and accepting when I'm pushing myself too hard.
I don't know if that's relevant to your situation, but I hope things get better and more comfortable for you 🙂
Thak you.
you're welcome 🙂