177
So, on pronouns.
(lemmy.ml)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
177 points (81.1% liked)
Asklemmy
43773 readers
1368 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
That's a relief.
So just go on about my merry way and if someone corrects me respect their choices ?
Yeah. Like if you thought someone's name was Joe but it was actually Jeff and they tell you that, it's not a big deal. Just one of those things that sometimes happens if you're meeting new people.
Oh no, if I think someone's name is Joe and it turns out being Jeff, I feel atrocious.
Sure, but you probably have the sense to focus that into remembering their name correctly next time. You wouldn't go telling them that Jeff is a molester name because Epstein and that therefore they should pretend to be named Joe.
From what I've seen gender diverse people generally seem to understand the difference between someone's who's just made a mistake and someone who refuses to use the correct pronoun despite being corrected numerous times.
That last bit is the important thing. If someone tells you pronouns, use them. If someone tells you they prefer "they/them" and you keep using he or she on purpose, you are disrespecting them.
We all make mistakes sometimes and most people I've met who use alternative pronouns that may conflict with their socially expected appearance don't mind correcting someone a few times or will brush it off a few times, but more than that, especially if you see and interact with this person regularly, you become an asshole.
I try really hard to be respectful of someones pronoun choice but I will readily admit I find 'they/them' requires quite active concentration and thought not to refer to someone as she / he.
Writing interview notes have actually helped a lot for me to use they/them since we have to be gender neutral in our notes. Now it's not so hard to switch into using it when needed.
I think the people who end up getting upset are the ones who are isolated from the LGBT community in real life.
Yup, that's about it. A good tactic if you're not sure about someone's gender is to lead with your own: "hi, I'm shapis, he/him". They'll invariably follow suit most of the time. If they don't and you get it wrong, well, you tried and were polite about it.
I know I'm out of touch on this, but I just can't imagine someone introducing themselves in this way. Particularly if you're a cis male and your pronouns are he/him. I guess it depends on context.
Yeah, it's definitely still something new. It's not something I would typically do in 99% of face to face encounters. In work presentations in front of a large audience we typically just fill it in on the introduction card at the start.
It's only a tactic for the edge case where someone presents ambiguously, in which case they're probably perfectly used to it as a way to politely ask. And yeah, it's a little awkward, but no more so that any other "polite chat with a new person" banter.
You can usually tell what pronouns to use via normal social awareness, and when in doubt, sharing yours is a polite way to prompt others to share theirs.