This is a pretty good overview. Black and white thinking, "masking" and "love bombing" are indicators of BPD. Love bombing is when a person showers you with attention to the point where it's enrapturing and masking is where they almost seem to magically become exactly who they think you want them to be.

To be honest, that should have been a huge red flag for me. My ex wife had zero interests or hobbies that didn't align with mine. It was like she just sat in a corner doing nothing before I came along. It was very strange.

Her relationships with other people, I later learned, followed a cycle. When she first made a new friend, she was all over them like a dog on a new chew toy. They were the greatest person ever and could do no wrong. Inevitably, that would change. It was like a switch would flip. She would go from talking about how great they were to hating them the very next day over some perceived slight which was usually either fabricated or based on something completely overblown. When she decided she had a new enemy, all bets were off.

We had a huge fight one time because she was going around telling people that one of her friends was having a relationship with a minor. It was a lie. She knew it was a lie but she didn't care. This friend had "wronged her" in some way so that made it acceptable to try to trash this poor woman's life in her mind. She dropped it when I told her I would defend her friend if it came down to it. I was furious and completely appalled. I should have left them but I didn't. It did not improve. It got much worse.

[–] decisivelyhoodnoises@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

there is a support sub in reddit for (ex)partners of people with BPD. What is impressive is how ALL the stories are the same. A L L. Its like we were all dating the same person. Same gaslighting, same fights, same way of expression, same self victimization, everything.

I'm 9 months out of such relationship and I'm still recovering. I had lost myself. I think about past incidents or how I was feeling and oh man what a ride. And yes, for some reason the sex was out of this world.

First brake up was kinda manageable. I accepted her back after her cheating believing all the things she wanted to change and improve. LMAO, ofcourse the same things happened. Second brake up sent me in hell.

People with BPD just destroy whoever is very close to them. I don't believe their malicious. I'm sure they're also suffering and this is what they do believing they are protecting themselves, but yeah, they need to work on controlling their emotions otherwise they just hurt both themselves and the ones around them.