this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
198 points (93.4% liked)
RPGMemes
10410 readers
454 users here now
Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Prestidigidrycleaners.
Seriously though, it's Locate Animals Or Plants and going truffle-hunting.
The chaotic-neutral answer is Heal, and ending blindness, deafness, and other diseases... sometimes. One in three. You do some faith-healer hokum, make a ton of false promises, and ensure that people get whatever medical care they can. Then you genuinely perform miracles just often enough to leave people wondering. Sometimes treatment works! You never know! Hell, a few people you don't heal will swear you did.
Druidcraft can probably abuse the hell out of saffron prices.
Disintegration is a six-second lockpick for any door, gate, ATM, or other obstacle to simple burglary.
Dimension Door for bank robbery. Piss easy: pop in, grab as much as you can carry, pop out.
Demiplane allows for proper heists: create door near valuable stuff, put stuff in big empty temporary room, recast spell later to create door in hideout. Anyone mildly clever would figure out how to be allowed near valuable stuff without just teleporting to it. Anyone properly clever would figure out how to have other people move valuable stuff into that arbitrary room. At least you could decorate beforehand to look more legitimate.
The evil answer, for demiplane, is to create traps where you let people die. Anyone inside when the duration ends will be a body to loot when you reconnect in a month.
Geas allows a complicated scam: you sell an ad campaign to some advertising firm, by convincing a few schmucks to act in accordance with your advertisement. None of those people's money goes to you. Your income comes from the bastard corporation that thinks you've unlocked another billion-dollar shadow economy, for their... I dunno, rat-themed child casino and pizzeria? Whatever they're selling. Just make up some basic Got Milk nonsense and then engage in superliminal advertising the next day. Like that Family Guy bit: Smoke.
Bonus points for the ad thing if you work in Hideous Laughter. That shit's first-level.
"Magnificent Mansion ghostly servant brothel" is probably not a good way to stay on the down-low.
Speak With Animals --> pet psychic reality TV deal.
Time Stop has obvious abuses. You have 12-30 seconds to do anything besides futz with another another creature or anything they're wearing / holding.
Unseen Servant is first-level, holy shit. You can get an hour of labor from an invisible humanoid. Any "simple task that a human servant could do." There's no explicit one-at-a-time clause, either. Nevermind the crime possibilities: every ten-minute ritual is an hour of sweatshop labor.
Superliminal