TCP is also deciding to ramp up the amount of boxes you kick over until the post worker gets crushed by boxes, at which point you decide to lower your box-kicking rate by half and try again.

I wrote an anology up and hated it, so I discarded it. Glad someone else nailed it.

Well yes, internally that's what it does, but from a user perspective it just looks like being handed the package, you never see any of the failed attempts (unless delivery fails completely because the company went out of business). It's sorta more like having a butler who orders it for you and deals with any potential BS that might happen, and then just hands you the package when it finally arrives in one piece.

Like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura?

For those that may have forgotten: https://youtu.be/WjTDXatmzUE