this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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I need to pass a drug test on which my entire future depends. I need help and am freaking the fuck out. (hexbear.net)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by GingusBingus@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn't care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren't for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn't work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend's pee but then I learned that you're actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn't work either.

So basically I'm fucked and I don't know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don't know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I'm 5'9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

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[–] pooh@hexbear.net 15 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I’d if you have a little more than a month you might very well be ok with just flushing. I’d exercise and drink tons of water, then use test strips to check. Also, for a plan b get synthetic urine and a bag kit thing that you strap to your leg. This works but is a little scarier for obvious reasons, but they don’t actually stare at you while you pee.

EDIT: I misread. Get synthetic urine and a bag asap. I think “Synthetic Labs Quick Fix” is the one that does rush shipping. Only watch out is you need to make sure the temperature is correct when you go in. It comes with instructions for that.

[–] Cummunism@hexbear.net 15 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

i have used the Quick Fix many times.

  1. Microwave it before you leave the house
  2. Wrap it to the inside of your thigh with an ace bandage or something similar, with a heat pack on the outside of the bottle and your leg on the inside.
  3. When you put it in the test cup, the test cups i used have a temperature gauge. It might be too hot from the microwave but if you wait it will cool down and show up on the temperature gauge/strip that is on the cup. If you give them piss that is 110 degrees theyll know you cheated.