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How do you deal with suicidal thoughts? (beehaw.org)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by noctisatrae@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.

There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…

But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.

ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?

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[–] SpectralPineapple@beehaw.org 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Decades ago I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. It was persistent throughout many months. Then my doctor gave me lithium. I took it in the morning. By late afternoon I no longer wanted to die.

It's not perfect. I had many crisis since then. I have a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Nothing I did or took since then was nearly as efficient as an old cheap medicine called lithium. I still take it everyday.

So I guess my answer is "I don't really deal with those thoughts". I don't engage. I treat them. What's the point of arguing with a disease? If I had cancer, would I get chemo or just think about it very hard?