this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
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I personally know three women who have major CNC kinks.
CNC machines? They get turned on by programmable routers?
"Consensual non-consent". It's a whole interesting niche of dom/sub sexuality. The women I know in real life who are into CNC play were SA victims. They've said that CNC with a trusted dominant partner helped them regain some power/control.
I'm not passing any judgement on those women, I can see how that might be like exposure therapy or something. But those "dominant partners"... You have to be turned on by the idea of assaulting someone. I wouldn't be able to do that and I wouldn't be comfortable around someone who could. Knowing it's consensual overall wouldn't make it feel less wrong.
But over time I've soured on the whole concept of BDSM, at least the S part. I don't feel good about people who enjoy hurting others, even if it's in a consensual and controlled way. Everyone has sexual fantasies but not all of them are healthy or positive. I'm not saying repress everything, but I also don't think getting consent makes everything fine. It feels like a technicality. Even if it's consensual, you're still enacting the steps of sexual assault or torture.
"Conventional" romantic/sexual relationships are full of unhealthy, weird stuff. But I don't think it's possible to escape that through subcultures. There may be some positive changes, but the same dynamics get mirrored and reflected in other ways. It's like playing whack-a-mole.
To be frank, this comes across as a little white-knight-ish.
What should I think instead? It's actually good and cool to enjoy simulated sexual assault and sexual violence on someone else. You can enjoy scenarios where you perform sexual assault, as long as you have consent, which is never influenced by social circumstances or relationship dynamics. Like, I consent to getting a job, but there's still critiques of work, and I can't really not have a job.
How is that not liberalism? You obeyed the one rule so it's fine. We don't need to look into the underlying dynamics or ask why these fantasies exist. It's just human nature to want to pretend to assault or torture someone.
I think I have a slightly more fleshed out thought than "white knighting", aka whenever a guy has any problem with the way women are treated. What other gamergate terms apply to me? Am I virtue signalling as well?