this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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Had a friend's kid go through it and it was hard to keep up. Started as 'she' and birth name, then 'he' and a new name, then 'xe' and another new name, then 'she' but another new name, not original, and finally landing on 'he' and a new name. The 'xe' was super hard since using a totally new pronoun naturally is a bit more difficult. In the end, he turned out to stay 'he' and did some surgery and hormones and now if you didn't know his history, you'd never get confused about the pronoun.
Meanwhile, an in-laws family member is super hard to treat as trans, because despite being a she, she doesn't act or look vaguely feminine. Doesn't like cosmetics, or styling hair, or women's clothing. Generally wears jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair is long, but looks like grunge guy hair rather than girl hair. Also sports a full facial hair, because shaving is a pain. Says she doesn't even want hormones or surgery, just wants to be considered feminine. Also is attracted to girls. The least trans person I have ever met. Near as she has said, she just thinks guys need to be stoic and tough and she doesn't feel that way, but otherwise she pretty much has all 'masculine' sensibilities.
Most trans people I have met fall in the middle, they clearly adopt the target gender style or mannerisms at least, even if they don't go so far as to 'pass'.
I have only had one instance where anyone got upset about the wrong pronoun, and it was a sibling of the person, and the pronoun use was actually referring to a dog, but the sibling assumed the worst since there was no 'he' in the room among the humans. Haven't seen someone personally get upset for themselves over a flubbed pronoun though.