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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 7 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 30 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'd say change as you like, but an accidental misgender is not an offensive action, unto itself. As in, we should hope to not do it, but done accidentally is not malice.

Again, we can hope to do a whole lot better than just-above-malice, but you shouldn't feel guilt.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for the reply.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

Yeah think of it like stepping on someone’s foot in a crowd. It hurts but it happens.