OK this is my list. But first, I need to say that this isn't a condemnation of those into such thing. They just don't vibe with me.

1. Cannot get into ASMR. I've tried. Often its women 20 years younger than me, rubbing their fingernails on hairbrushes. The intentional sounds they make with their lips and fingers are things that would make me want to change seats on a bus.
2. Instagram. I was maybe the last person to get a smart phone. It was probably 2016. I'm just fully lazy to take photos of stuff. This is a real issue when I'm single and I need to start putting photos on dating sites, as all pics of me in my phone are me squeezing carrots in my nostrils and similarly goofy things.
3. My students' taste in anime. I try to be all cool and show off my cool taste in anime, maybe drop a Azumanga Daioh clip. It's all ancient history for 17 year olds.
4. Photo and videos done in portrait mode. I guess I don't watch videos on the go. See #2

Things that the kids these days do better:

• Usually better opinions on current events than people my age
• I wish that cosplay existed when I was a teen. The default when I was younger was drugs.

If anyone insults the kids, I will visit you at your home and do an