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Is the golden rule really good?
(lemmy.ml)
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this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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The problem with the golden rule is that different people want to be treated differently, so they may treat you how they want to be treated but not how you want to be treated, and vice versa.
Maybe when you're struggling with an issue, you want to be left alone to figure it out by yourself, but your friend in the same scenario would want someone to start doing anything to help out and insisting on troubleshooting the issue together. So your friend ends up frustrating you by offering to help too much when you just want to be left alone and then when they're struggling, they get upset that you leave them alone to deal with it.
So communication is important. Ask people how they'd like to be treated rather than just assuming they'd want to be treated the way you want to be treated and be honest with them about how you'd like to be treated.
I think you've got the right idea, but may be overthinking it just a tad.
The golden rule is just a proactive step when meeting and dealing with new people. Since you can't know how others want to be treated from your first interaction, you fall back on the golden rule. So you offer to help someone, they tell you they'd prefer to be left alone, all good. Now you know.
Basically, it's not just "If I were in this situation, I would want to be helped, so I'm going to keep offering to help." It's "If I were in this situation, I would want people to be understanding and gentle, so I'll listen to what they have to say and, if they ask for help, do whatever they need."
Where people get caught in the weeds though is often the difference between being "good" and being "nice", so you'll never have an objective answer to the best course of action. Just this general guideline to hopefully steer you in the right direction until you can figure the rest out on your own.