this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
149 points (97.5% liked)

The Onion

4494 readers
928 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

5 Summer Activities Sure to Ruin Your Lawn Summer is here, and that means one thing: it’s time to watch in horror as your lawn turns into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why fight it? Embrace the inevitable chaos with these five activities guaranteed to obliterate that golf course-caliber lawn you’ve been working years on. You might as well lay down wood chips and call it a day, because those little savages will destroy it by fall one way or another.

1. Slip and Slide Ah, the slip and slide – the classic summer activity that promises fun, laughter, and a lawn that looks like it hosted a mud-wrestling tournament. After a few hours of kids hurling themselves down a plastic sheet at breakneck speed, your once-lush grass will be nothing more than a distant memory. The combination of water and trampling is sure to create a muddy disaster zone. Just remember, mud is nature’s way of saying, “You never really liked grass that much anyway.”

Read the rest of the satire news article here at TattletaleTimes.com

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] rachthegoldberg@lemmy.world 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They forgot water balloons! impossible to pick up all of them

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I came across these sponges inside a poly-cotton sort of covering, called Water Grenades. They work great, and are reusable. Just dunk them in the refill bucket, and throw at someone. !Splash! And repeat.

Something like this: https://www.vat19.com/item/reusable-water-bombs or these: https://www.etsy.com/market/reusable_water_bombs

[–] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

i like the idea of the crochet ones. sent that to my crocheting wife to give it a shot, thanks!

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run 6 points 4 months ago

I just learned of them in the process of that search. We have a momentous water battle coming up at a campout, beginning of next month. Super excited!!