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submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

I know that here I am pretty loud and obnoxious, but IRL I actually have like, really bad social anxiety. Especially when talking to guys. (Actually come to think of it it's usually only happens when I have to talk to guys I find attractive crush )

Sometimes it's fine, but other times it's like my brain does a blue screen of death and I can't even think of words to say.

Is there a way to get my brain working normal in these situations? I already taken anti-anxiety meds and they help a little, but not always.

Any tips to stop my goofy ass brain from crashing?

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[-] EnsignRedshirt@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

This is an unfun answer, but practice makes perfect. Regularly spending time with people will get easier and more natural the more often you do it, and give you a better sense of your limits, boundaries, and coping mechanisms.

One suggestion to go about doing that without stressing out too much about it is to find a structured activity that you can do with people on a regular basis. Having something to focus on other than making conversation can give you opportunities to be in a social situation without as much pressure to “perform” socially, and might have less anxiety attached.

The activity depends on what you enjoy and what else gives you anxiety, but it could be something like a book club, a casual sports team, a running group, etc. Anything that gets you in contact with people in which the social expectations are lower, or balanced by doing the activity.

I’m pretty introverted and used to get social anxiety, but one thing that really worked for getting myself out of the house when I wasn’t feeling it was dropping in on a local weekly boardgame meetup. I like board games, but I also liked that there wasn’t a big expectation for anyone to be funny or interesting or do a lot of talking. It was a friendly environment, but people who love board games are happy enough just to have other people to play with. All I had to do was show up, play, and not be an asshole, and everyone was glad to see me every week.

If you want to make friends then you’re going to have to actually engage and be vulnerable and whatnot, but it works if you just want to get more relaxed about being around people.

[-] OrionsMask@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

This is literally it and it's the worst thing to hear and build up because it sucks hard in the moment. It's essentially having to "grin and bear it" for a little bit. But this is the answer. This is something that I've learned and resisted against strongly during therapy, but when I finally found the strength to "grin and bear it," I was mad at myself for not doing it sooner because it really does become easier after the first few times.

It's okay if you feel like you can't because there'll come a day when you can, but if you can muster the strength, just do it. You'll thank yourself for that strength later on.

this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
76 points (100.0% liked)

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