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this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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I don't know a number, nor would such a thing remain valid long term. I am not capable of full independence. Within a home, I can barely function on my own, but shopping is not possible. In my experience, all of the home delivery food options locally are scams where the store only sends the smallest, oldest, and lowest quality goods available on a shelf. This greatly increases the cost of already inflated comestibles. The variability is untenable for sufficient calories. I mostly eat one meal a day which I make every 8-10 days and eat the leftovers each day. I need a physical therapy routine that involves a bicycle, internet, and a phone to call for help if I get stranded on a bike somehow, which is super rare but happens once every 3-4 years. That is about it. I can't travel at all. I don't bother with a license. I could, but there is no point to the expense relative to my limitations. I'm on a slow decline, and will probably die early.
I'm not just in pain with my posture issues. Things inside my back move out of place and lock up in weird ways. I feel pain and issues in very unnatural ways. The places that I hurt feel like the interior forward side of my spine. It involves lots of little muscles and things that a person does not have conscious awareness of normally. It is almost like I am missing some kind of primary muscle and am using a bunch of smaller muscles to make up the difference. When I try and stay upright, those small muscles begin to fail in a cascading order and I have no backups left. I physically cannot remain sitting upright or standing at that point. I cannot do anything that involves remaining upright. If I stay in my controlled daily routine, I can lay propped up at nearly 45° for extended amounts of time, but any pushing will force me to lay flat to completely disengage the muscles. Even then, I'll often have pain induced contractions and spasms for days to weeks if I push myself to remain upright for too long.
No country takes welfare refugees. Getting a visa involves proving you are not such a person, either through employment or static wealth.
I'm really sorry to hear this.
On your last point, this would largely depend on the country. I say this as someone that has worked with charities that cater to those that are less able, albeit usually with children or young adults that have moved with family. I know first-hand that it is possible - at least to the UK as I had worked on HCI for accessible online resources. Obviously, every case is unique, and it sounds like if you cannot travel this wouldn't work for you. Most countries have specific rules for those with disabilities, and it would ultimately depend on if you're alone or if you have family that can support you. It's complex enough that you'd probably need to speak to a lawyer and not a random software engineer on Lemmy to see what your options are. Hell, if prison is a viable option for you, it may be worth seeing (free) legal advice for your options, or perhaps speaking to whoever your local representative is to see if they can support someone struggling this much.
It sucks to say, but the reason I mentioned an amount is because people set up GoFundMe for things that are less severe than your situation. If you are at a point where you're seriously considering prison as a way to survive, I'm sure the fediverse could rally to help in some way, even if it's just enough to ensure you can afford some more food for the next few months.
::: spoiler Thanks friend. I am not so bad off at the moment. I am unfortunately quite aware of the direction I'm headed. I struggle to avoid thinking about it at this point. I'm deeply motivated to try and make something of myself but after 10 years I empirically know my limitations. That hopeless frustration is quite destructive.
As mentioned elsewhere in comments, this post was primarily intended as therapeutic to help with the depressing news of getting denied disability for the second time in 4 years. I expected the negative outcome and the news itself does not bother me per say, but such negatives tend to compound with the guilt of burdening my family, and social isolation factors. I'm trying to stop a potential spiral before it starts by using the feeling of i increasing awareness of the problem through hyperbolic expression of a logical potential solution I use as a mental mechanism to tell myself that ending things now is not just an acceleration of an inevitable eventuality. From that perspective, your actionable enthusiasm is very helpful to me. Thanks. One day I will likely need you or someone of the like. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but I do not invest emotion in such hope after the disappointments life has dealt me. I don't value sympathy like I do actions and understanding. So thanks again, for the attitude that matters most to me.