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this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2023
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Men's Liberation
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Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
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"I'm going to test my BF every week to see if he's the perfect man, instead of sharing my beliefs with him and talking it out"
I'll be honest I have absolutely no idea what gender dynamics are like in China but there may be a safety component there. A cursory google yields this study. Which lists patriarchal beliefs as a significant risk factor for domestic violence.
My friend, the first thing you need to know about shitty people is that they tend not to be open about how shitty they are. If you share your beliefs with someone manipulative, they will usually hid their real opinions from you.
This is an oversimplification. What is early dating besides experiencing life together and testing compatiblity?
While I'll agree with you that this should not be needed in a long term relationship, as you should have already been able to have open conversations about your hopefully shared core values, but I'd say using it as a weeder for an early relationship or first date situation isn't a bad idea. It allows you to start the conversation naturally.
And early in the relationship, the guy is likely just gonna go "uh huh, I totally get that." When a topic like that is brought up overtly, while with a movie you could at see if he took the feminist elements seriously or thought that it was just girls being silly.
Agreed. By having this neutral third party you get to see, hopefully, a more genuine reaction than just being told what you want to hear.
No one is testing it on their partner every week.
Some men in the dating world will do anything to get a date, including claiming to be a feminist because being treated like a person appeals to women these days. An actual feminist will watch the movie and understand it's themes of how the patriarchy hurts everyone, including Ken. Someone who is misogynist in feminist clothing will watch it and say the movie is just bashing men.
Watching the movie together will out these people.
Also it will weed out people who can't accept criticism of their gender. Needing to tip-toe around man-child egos sounds pretty exhausting.
It's not as simple as portraying them as stupid. It's portraying these men as victims of the patriarchy. Often times they are overconfident to their own detriment due to the circumstances they grew up in. It's not about how 'men are stupid', it's about how men in power were conditioned to dismiss women at their own expense. The movie shows how by taking a moment to learn and empathize with women's struggles, they come to learn that healthy masculinity isn't defined by how they are views by women's it's by how they view themselves. This is what Ken does at the end. He escapes the kencel pit and learns to value himself for who he is and his own interest instead of relying on female attention to define his worth.
None of this is something that the men did because they are 'stupid'. It's because of patriarchal conditioning, something that all of us are subjected to in this day and age.
Sharing media you enjoy is actually sharing your beliefs and ideas. Most people are not poets and are bad at conveying especially emotions but also complex topics in general with words.