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It's not just about Sync being the only app with ads or the fee to remove them (whether one thinks it's steep or not is apparently up for debate -- I find $20 steep for a mobile app, full stop).
It's also about the fact that Lemmy is a FOSS system that requires independent instances to run. These instances incur costs. I hope that the people paying $20 to remove these ads are also donating to their home instances. If that isn't happening, we need better messaging to users: paying to remove ads on an app does not support Lemmy itself or any individual instances, though the app and its popularity puts strain on those instances.
I get the idea of paying a dev for their work if you like it -- though mandating it vs. relying on donations is a difference between Sync and pretty much everything else. However, it seems strange that the people pushing to support this single dev who happened to chose an ad model aren't equally pushing for people to support their instances. Sync is useless if everyone just pays to remove the ads but doesn't donate to help with the costs of running this platform, and I wonder how many people who came to Lemmy on the heels of the Sync release actually know that.
I agree with you that we need better messaging to users about instance donations. For the record, I'd also support instance admins who employ an "ads or pay a fee" model. I think it's probably the best option for larger instances. I doubt purely donation based models will be sustainable over time.
If anything, I think LJ missed a trick by not having the option of doing a double subscription (so £3.99), and saying the extra £2 gets split between the instances, weighted by the time you spend time on them.