having difficulty with femininity and presentation (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by thumbtack@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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hey beehaw team :) this is partly advice seeking and partly just wanting to share my experience and hopefully hear how others feel about he topic. i’m not sure if this is the right community for this either, but hopefully it is!

i’m a cis woman who’s always been a fair bit interested in both femininity and androgyny for my hair and clothing, but lately i’ve been feeling more of a pull than usual to present in a more masculine/butch leaning way. to the point where i’m even considering trying out binding, which i’ve never really thought about before.

i’m a bit conflicted though about all of this, because i do know i have some internalized misogyny regarding femininity being inferior to masculinity. i’m having difficulty telling if i’d like to present more masc because i think femininity is stupid/not cool, or if it’s something i actually want.

does anyone have any advice/thoughts to share about this? i don’t really have anyone irl i can talk to about this, so any input would be really appreciated <3

to be clear, i am not questioning my gender here. i like and use she/her pronouns and am not interested in any others.

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[-] azureeight@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

Nonbinary feminine is a label people use, I don't see why you can't for a while and see how it fits? Doesn't have to mean anything more to you than "cis woman isnt fitting me right now, i feel like a nonbinary woman", or it doesn't have to lead to you changing pronouns.

I have one friend who's identity is "i want you to know i am not a woman but i am definitely explicitly not he/him" and they use she/her and they/them right now.

I shave my head because it's comfortable. It has nothing to do with any gender presentation, but people will almost always assume masculine on some end. Do you think being misgendered would upset you? If someone sees how you want to present and calls you an identity that isnt you, how would that make you feel?

Not to discourage you! Just stuff to think about! I find a lot of things can be boiled down in society to masculine vs feminine, but it feels like they have to enforce those boundaries so firmly because they're really socially constructed (fashion and presentation especially!) And really a lot of people feel the same about some fabrics, textures, designs, etc.

Good luck finding your happiness 😊