this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 126 points 1 month ago (4 children)

What does this even mean?

"Men lose their mind" = they start shouting and shitting on the floor in disbelief?

"Daughters aren't as forgiving as their wives": forgiving what exactly? Mistakes?

It's like they think they're saying something profound and agreeing with each other but saying nothing of value (as is natural on twitter).

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 109 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I think it's speaking about women who "allow" bad behavior.

Like, maybe the man's mom used to do all his chores for him without asking, so he comes to expect it. His wife, who is not his mother, says he has to do his own laundry and maybe puts their foot down about the whole "weaponized incompetence" some men use. The man is surprised, because he didn't expect his wife to be "less forgiving" than this mother, who just gave us and did it for him.

For daughters, sometimes daughters (or just children in general) , as an outside observer to the relationship, can tell that one parent is shit (in this case, the father). While the wife may go, "He didn't meant it, he's just tired," the daughter may not be "as forgiving" and just say he is abusive.

However, I don't think either of these are gender specific. Just depnsends on the dynamic at play.

[–] JimmyMcGill@lemmy.world 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yes. I mean I’m a man and I had no trouble understanding the post but for some reason it is very hard for some people

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Maybe some people don't live around bad role models.

[–] somethingsnappy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (2 children)

You're on the internet talking about a thread from xitter. Congrats for living in a cave with only good role models, but I think you should be able to see over the fence a little.

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That made no sense whatsoever. You sound exactly like somebody from xitter.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You really couldn't figure out what they meant or are you being snarky?

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

IDK about 'snarky' but I've got $5 on 'feigning incomprehension'

[–] elidoz@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

telling someone they should find bad role models isn't nice imo

[–] somethingsnappy@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago

Not go out and find them, but be able to understand that it's pretty common.

[–] Hackerman_uwu@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Or, you know, kids haven’t got the same grasp of adult life that grown ups do.

I have a 23 year old daughter. She has a job, an education, is currently travelling the world and she’s still really very immature in many ways. I know there be will be people that age right now reading this and hating it and you know you’re really still very far away from really getting this but there is SO much in life that we have to learn to let go. SO many failures of our own and of others that we need to find a way to live with. It took me a long, long time to really get to the point where I was able to forgive the world for being a place where certain bad things had happened. That’s the thing that finally allowed me to keep looking for goodness, to struggle for hope instead of being angry with reality. You look deep into any maladjustment be it drug addiction, eating disorders, rage, pretty much any negative compulsion - deep down in there it’s this. It’s this inability to forgive the world for being a place where bad things can happen. Which is clearly a child-like response to not getting our way. Only now “getting our way”, like it’s not that you were refused a treat but rather you’re waching the bigger part of humanity suffer and realising you’re near powerless to do anything about it. Two things can be true. The world can be a bad place sometimes but it can also be good. If you can’t forgive it for its failings you’ll struggle to see the good side.

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

That's why I said "sometimes" and not, "every child, everywhere, all the time."

Your 23 year old may be really immature still, some kids are not. Depends on the kiddo. However, I don't think forgiving abusive parents is a lesson that should be taught. You can hold someone accountable without hating the rest of the world. I can not forgive an abusive parent and still see the good side of things without being a doormat.

[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 35 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I'm right there with you. I'm utterly confused.

What is there to forgive? Is thore some inherent shittyness in men that needs overlooking on the part of women, or suppressing on the part of men?

Or is this just talking about how gender equality as improved with each generation, so as the same dudes age, the younger women in their lives are asking them to be more and more fair?

[–] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 27 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not inherent, no, but culturally ingrained crappy behaviours? Sure.

[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Absolutely, but those shouldn't be overlooked by anyone, and forgiven only once someone has made the effort to unlearn that shit.

Is the "profound" message here really just that as younger women enter the lives of their aging husbands and then fathers, they tolerate less and less of the historical sexist shittyness, as they've grown up a generation later than the previous main female figure in their lives?

Scoffing when asked to change ones behaviour for the better is not a gendered charachter fault. No-one likes being informed that something they've been doing, and consider normal, is bad, actually.

And that's not a reason not to improve. The opposite. It's a reason to embrace self-improvement, and to learn to do ones best to skip the denial phase.

Something I think most people, of both genders, can be very good at if they want to be.

[–] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 month ago

Is the "profound" message here really just that as younger women enter the lives of their aging husbands and then fathers, they tolerate less and less of the historical sexist shittyness

I'm not sure how profound it's "supposed" to be, but I think that's basically the message, that's what I took from it at least.

[–] CrayonRosary@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] atro_city@fedia.io 2 points 1 month ago

RIGHT OVER HERE OFFICER!

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago (4 children)

You see, it’s simple: men bad

[–] DomeGuy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

It's worse than that. It's a sexist assertion that all men model the worst of our gender while all women model the best of theirs, which aggrivatingly dismisses feminist progressive men and excusing sexist regressive women.

DomeWife is not the one teaching DomeBaby about bodily autonomy or feminism, though she does have plenty of examples of women being sexist to our manly kith and kin.

[–] elidoz@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

this comment is difficult to read because I can't figure out if you're sarcastic or not, it would make sense either way and I have no way of knowing

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 1 points 1 month ago

That’s the beauty of it innit