Asklemmy

I did the one about jumping upwards under a shelf recently-ish, so instead I'll share the time I tried to stand on an exercise ball to reach something. Of course, I didn't make it, and did a faceplant into some hard cube bins.

There was a row of chairs (touching each other) at work that are purposefully very heavy. I wanted to look under the chairs, so I was lifting them one at a time. The last one was a corner chair and a lot heavier. I stuck my head behind the last chair to look under it, dropped it, and caught my jaw. It hurt like fuck but fortunately didn’t do any actual damage.

Touched a car cigarette lighter that I'd heated up myself while bored with the intent of just slipping a nail between the coils without skin contact and gave myself a new thumbprint.

Then I did that again a few years later.

I've lost teeth climbing a tree in a stupid way, required stitches after trying to cut myself a slice of pie, and nailed myself in the groin with a ski pole while skiing

I fell off an electric scooter and broke my wrist, I have a titanium plate in there now.

Because of skateboarding

Not through actually skating, I was walking along carrying my board and tripped over, because I was carrying the board in my dominant hand I used my non-dominant one to try brace my fall, somehow fucked it up and fractured my wrist

I thought it was just strained until I tried to swim a few hours later

Got a scar on my finger from using a Stanley/craft knife to shave down a plastic Warhammer sprue into a 'spear'

Worst fight injury I ever had was breaking my orbital bone(you should've seen the other guy though! whoa)

Anyone who knows me that on the ice rink I turn into the human equivalent of a scruffed cat. My friend wanted to see me skate and I didn't want to disappoint so I ended up launching myself by pushing off of a wall. Suffice to say I ended up landing square on my butt! 😂

Most recently? Cleaning snow. The driceway is short and at a slight slope, and is on the north side of the house. The sun warms just enough of it to melt snow, but the water seeps down to the shaded area created by the house and refreezes. I cleaned all the snow, noted the slippery patch, and did a good jub avoiding it. Wouldn’t you know it, just as I finished the work I forgot about the patch and stepped in it snd went down immediately. Hurt my wrist, pretty durecit was a hood sprain. Sill hurts today if I apply the right pressure, and it’s been a few weeks since i landed on it.

like half my concussions have been the stupidest shit ever. once when i was a kid i randomly decided to jump down the last 5 or so stairs. but there was a door there so i fucken CONKED my head on the frame, spun backwards, and then SLAMMED my shit for a second time on the bottom step.

that was probably the worst one, i think it legitimately fucked up the way i form memories. i have a lot of face blindness issues now, but i always INSTANTLY recognize people from my childhood.

Okay so I was having a hard time pulling the plug out for our dryer. I Was only able to get it out partly. Part of the metal from the plug was exposed, so I wrapped my hand around those parts to get a better grip. Smh. You know what happened next.

I have many stories how I either accidentally cut into my fingers or break the bones. But most of them was pretty logical (still stupid tho) why it happened but one time was I going to lift up my friend + the chair they sat on for the lols and my ring fingers bone broke... I don't know how... Your guess is as good as mine

When I was ~10 I was running around the house with a white bedsheet over my head. I was pretending to be a ghost while I chased my older brother around the house. Unfortunately I slipped backwards on the sheet and hit the back of my head on my mom's solid oak coffee table. Immediately blood started soaking the sheet red and I obviously screamed out in pain. My mom came running into the living room to find me screaming and the sheet just turning more and more red.

At this time we lived about an hour away from the nearest hospital and my mom knew if she tried to take me in for stitches that I would probably bite the doctor or something (I have a pathological fear of needles). So she opted to shave my head and tape it shut. Then she instructed my brother to keep me awake for the next few hours (she was worried about a concussion) and she let me watch whatever movie or play whatever video game I wanted for the rest of the day.

It healed fine and now I have a small scar on the back of my head that is only visible if I shave my hair super short.

Sliced two tendons in my hand when I tried to break a metal motorcycle gasket by pulling it apart

Was doing some woodworking with the big power tools my dad had set up in the basement. First time using the table saw, I start my cut and realize the blade wasn't high enough and wasn't cutting through the whole piece of wood. I knew that I couldn't let go of the wood while the machine was running, or it would become a projectile.

So I turned it off and immediately let it go, turning it into a projectile because the blade was still spinning. Luckily it only caught the back of my finger, though it left a scar.

install gentoo

Scraped a huge chunk of skin off my foot while drunk in a pool. I was at an Airbnb in the desert with some friends.

One friend and I worked our way through 40 beers in about five hours but we didn’t realize that until later on—something about the 110°F weather and swimming made drinking far too easy.

The pool had a very rough texture at the bottom and no part of it was especially deep, so I mainly bounced around on my toes while we were in the pool.

When we finally got out of the pool I saw blood everywhere coming from my foot, it had probably been bleeding for hours because I remembered pretty early on I’d stupidly jumped in and hurt my foot. I immediately went inside and ended up sleeping for 10 hours, missing all the fun everyone else had that evening. Because I was on my toes the entire time my ankles hurt for a few days.

It’s been seven months but I still have a mark on my foot, and it itches sometimes still.

When I was in middle school, on an organized camping trip to a lake where we would work on our canoeing skills, another kid and I started to horseplay. We were struggling over who could take a specific canoe paddle. My opponent held the handle, and I the blade. We each tried using the paddle to shove at the other & cause them to lose control, thereby securing the paddle for our own exclusive use.

Nevermind that there were a dozen other equally good paddles laying around unclaimed, we had to fight over that specific paddle.

I wound up losing my grip right as my opponent shoved. The blade hit me square on the bridge of my nose. I bled like crazy.

It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I realized how perilously close I had come to losing one or both eyes.

When i was a kid i walked down the stairs with 1 roller blade on to get the other one at the bottom and fell and broke my arm.

I was drunk and playing with a knife, my friend started tossing things for me to slash out of the air. When people see the scar I tell them I got stabbed, which is technically true!

Lifting weights on a machine instead of free weights. Trust yourself, not a machine.

Once dropped a machete and instinctively tried grabbing it mid-fall as if it were my phone.

Still got the scar 10+ years after the fact lol

I bought a new pocket knife when I was 16 and immediately started testing it out by slashing at the Bouganvillieas in the garden. I followed through too hard and slashed the thum on the other hand,took out a scallop the size of a 5c piece, but not all the way. Got it stitched back up but I still have tingling there to this day.

Don't go bauldering while still drunk / deeply hungover. Did a challenging route that I had only recently gotten the hang of and leapt for a grip. Fell. Turned in the air and landed on my ankle. Stupid injury.