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/c/TenForward@lemmy.world - Star Trek chat, memes and shitposts
/c/Memes@lemmy.world - General memes
What else would happen in Heck?
Infinite phone tree - Any choice takes you to the next menu tree but 50% chance to take you back to the start. The second menu tree just leads to an infinite array of phone menu trees, each with a 50% chance to go back to the beginning.
Or,
The land moves around at random. Your house (and everyone elses) might be somewhere one day, and in an hours time it's somewhere else. Good luck making a map.
You can never seem to remember where you parked your car and you wander a parking garage for eternity
After you sneeze, the need to burp or fart raises greatly. You also don't have control over which one will happen.
(Or what comes out!)
The bimetallic strip in your rice cooker is always slightly off no matter how much you fiddle with it.
You're always stuck behing a tractor on small roads.
Your text editor randomly uses a whitespace character whenever you press space.
Everything is lighted with slightly old fluorescent tubes.
Obviously pointless deskwork and frequent sync meetings that always include non technical stakeholders.
Everyone sleeps on wonky old futons that haven't been properly maintained.
Food deserts.
Everyone lives in old non sound insulated krushchevkas with loud neighbours.
The landscape is an infinitely repeated template of an excessively concretised city.
Constant warm overcast weather with high humidity and still wind.
Everyone is always slightly sleep deprived.
The water is always slightly too chlorinated and it doesn't evaporate.
I have so many ideas!
Constant slight cheese and urea smell.
One of your nostrils is always stuffed. They switch regularly.
The only available tea is British. (sorry I hate bland black tea and bergamot)
No hot meals.
All cuttlery is either sporks or Korean chopsticks.
All cooking knives are dull.
The only available cooking methods are microwaves with dead zones and induction stoves with long cycles.
Spices are forbidden.
Everyone is left handed with specifically right handed tools.
Everyone has ADHD. Medication is unavailable.
Light itch that moves.
Everyone needs glasses. They're always greasy and the correction is slightly off.
Everyone has a small bladder and there are always queues in front of restrooms. That might explain the smell.
Everyone is on a sliding/rolling schedule.
Non skipable ads are backed in physical objects.
Shoes are all a size off.
You always pick the slowest line to queue in
The chance of you biting your cheek is 51% each time you eat and you are guaranteed to keep biting the same place for max recovery time
Every charging cable you use has a loose connection that isn’t evident until later when you need to use your device and the battery is dead
Every time you eat something, some food getd stuck in your teeth and you can't get it out for hours.
Washing dishes, the cloth is always dirty
Every time you undo your seatbelt, the belf doesn't retract properly and you have to fiddle with it for ages, if you try getting out of the car you just get tangled in it
Every scratch ticket is a winner, but the prize is always less than the cost of the scratch ticket.
Heck only has public toilets.
The stall door squeaks really loud.
The gaps between the door and the wall are nearly half an inch.
There's always skid marks in the bowl and the last person didn't flush.
There's piss dribbles on the seat.
The toilet paper dispenser gives out individual sheets by cranking a knob on the side.
The knob is hard to turn, and sticky.
There's a small puddle of piss on the floor between your feet where you drop your dacks.
You are only wearing socks because shoes are illegal in heck.
You have 4 minutes each day to do your poos.
They allocate your poo schedule, not you.
If you go over your allocated time, the floor opens up and you fall into actual hell.
In actual hell, you only get 2 minutes a day on the toilet.
All gum sold has been chewed already
You're very tired nodding off and keep rereading the same page of a book over and over
A single ear bud is always violently yanked out of one ear just before your favorite part of the song. There are no wireless earbuds, just the old cheapy wired kind with those black, foamy covers.
When cooking, everything is always undercooked, until it's suddenly overcooked.
When cleaning your room, you always miss one spot.
Whenever you think of a clever comeback to something somebody said, the moment you said it you think of a better comeback.
every time there is a pause to what you listen to or think about, a random laugh track in your head follows after a short but unpredictable delay.
one of your nostrils is always clogged and runny. it can switch sides after some seconds of relief.
Every toilet clogs and overflows the water
Tinnitus
I think that's reserved for actual Hell.
Everytime you reach for the last cookie you find the bag empty.