this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025
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not a metaphor for anything (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:

imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular

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[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

~~one more report and~~ I'm locking this whole mf thread

I'm not reading my way through 200 comments but I'm locking this so I can keep up with whatever you all report.

My Original Comments:

spoilerI understand this is a controversial topic but y'all need to behave your damn selves

The basics are:

  • This is fundamentally a discussion about hurtful language, including slurs. I don't mind them being mentioned / referenced (in fact I would argue it's important to talk about them), but I'm not going to tolerate them being directed at people. This is y'alls final warning on that. I've removed some comments already but after this I'm just going to start handing out bans.
  • I know there's alternate interfaces for Lemmy, but on the basic version I'm familiar with, under each comment there is a button on the left end of the bar of buttons with three dots and a little arrow indicating additional options. If you press it, you will find that you have the option to "block" other users. This function will make it so that you no longer have to see anything they post or interact with them. This is a fantastic feature that I highly recommend utilizing in the event that someone says something you find upsetting that does not break the rules of this comm or instance.

Please review this educational material for additional instruction if you are still having difficulty with these concepts.

[–] lemmydripzdotz456@lemmy.world 67 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Ok, but what is it about?

[–] Squorlple@lemmy.world 131 points 1 week ago (3 children)

OP is a native of Albany, NY, where everybody refers to hamburgers as steamed hams, even when it comes to their patented family recipes. This is for when OP must meet with other people who are not familiar with the regional dialect, even those from Utica, and are preparing for an unforgettable luncheon.

[–] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 28 points 1 week ago (8 children)

And they call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled?

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[–] ruk_n_rul@monyet.cc 14 points 1 week ago

Ah, I see.

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[–] carotte@lemmy.blahaj.zone 67 points 1 week ago (2 children)

the way i interpreted it is that it's about the "but dude/man/bro is gender neutral!" thing, when someone expresses that they don't like being referred to using masculine terms

[–] TTH4P@lemm.ee 56 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I do actually call my mom bro, but if like, a friend or coworker said "don't call me that" I just wouldn't do it.

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 32 points 1 week ago

Yeah, I definitely see those as contextually non-gendered, but the moment someone asks me not to call them a certain thing.... I just don't call them that again, and apologize if I do. It takes almost 0 effort to use a different word.

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

I call my husband bro, and while he is a dude, he’s definitely not my brother (also he calls me bro and I’m a woman ish).

But yeah, talking to people in a way they dislike is making the world unhappier for no reason.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 42 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Edit: this is tangential to the real point of the post, which is just to not call people things they don't like.

Bro is harder to argue for sure.

And man, unless it's more, "oh man, that's rough" as an excalamatory rather than "good to see you man" is still gendered.

But dude has never been gendered. It was mostly used by guys towards guys, but the origins of that usage (rather than dude ranches or the derogatory term related to that) it was applied to everyone. Dudette came along later but was essentially created because the usage was male dominated, not because dude was gendered. It's one of the rare gender neutral, inclusive slang terms. So much so that when dudette was thrown around, it got rejected as unnecessary, and was sometimes taken offensively. Same with dudina and dudess.

Mind you, the era where it was mostly an underground slang used in African American circles is murkier, since it was underground, less written at the time, and after it got "borrowed" by white kids lost its popularity there.

But when surfer culture picked it up, and it spread via movies, female surfers were called dude, and used it the same way as female surfers. They were just such a minority that the association didn't stick in pop culture because what got seen was Spicoli, and the association with it as being used by guys about guys got absorbed as the primary usage.

There was no gender division in that origin, nor was there a need for it. There simply wasn't a female specific alternative to dude.

Since it is still used inclusively far more than it isn't, it's usually better to assume the best rather than the worst. Someone duding someone in a casual and friendly way is unlikely to be using it as a gendered term. It's more like buddy, or pal, or even mate than something like bro that started gendered and is still predominantly used that way.

[–] salvaria@lemmy.blahaj.zone 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I think that your intentions are good, but you're missing the point. If someone doesn't like what you're calling them, just don't call them that. I don't think if someone was called dude and didn't like it, that they would assume the worst, they would just ask you to please not call them that.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 week ago

Sure, I probably should have specified I was going on a tangent rather than commenting on the post directly. Gonna edit that in. Thank you :)

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[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Yeah, dude doesn't really bother me, but the others, as well as "guys," do. Bro has a natural feminine version: "sis." So does man: "woman" or "girl." Likewise for guys: "gals" or "girls." Making them gender neutral just causes confusion IMO, we should instead just use different terms w/o any gender association, such as "fellow," "friend," "home slice/skillet" (the 90s kid in me really wants that to come back), or the others you mentioned.

But yeah, dude is totally fine as a gender-neutral term due to surfer culture taking it over. But the others are a lot harder sell for me.

But yes, be excellent to each other. If your female friend wants to be called "bro," go nuts.

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Sorry for the mostly tangent, but I guess I’m also more sensitive about terms than I realized.

My sister got married after dating her husband for about six months. On the day of the wedding, my new BIL started calling me “sis” even though it was the third time we’d met.

I actually like him quite a lot now and I’m very glad that they’re married, but woof did that rub me the wrong way. I don’t think anyone has ever called me sis before or since with the exception of drunk women in the bathroom (and I have, all told, eight siblings, step siblings, and siblings in law).

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[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 1 week ago
  • Slurs in general
  • Misgendering
[–] NotJohnSmith@feddit.uk 11 points 1 week ago

I had assumed this was referring to the case years back of Elon Musk calling a British guy that was trying to help rescue some children from a submerged cave in the Philippines a "pedo".

He was naturally sued about it but somehow avoided rightful punishment by claiming that he didn't mean literally and it was a phrase used all the time in South Africa.

Twat waffle is a phrase we use all the time in my country. We use it whenever Elon is mentioned.

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

My first thought was "queer." I know people who hate being called queer, but others still call them that anyway because they're "taking back the word" or something like that

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Fuck me I can't keep up. I thought queer was officially OK.

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[–] NeonNight@lemm.ee 34 points 1 week ago (17 children)

I’m personally kind of reminded of how “faggot” and “dyke” are being “taken back” and used jokingly/sarcastically, but I still get really uncomfortable if someone uses them with me. They’ll say “oh I don’t mean it offensively!” But it’s not really up to you to decide what’s offending another person or not.

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I once had someone tell me very very earnestly that the word Queer - a word I literally marched under in protest - was the worst most horrible slur ever, then turn around and use fruit.

Baby comm members need naptime methinks

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[–] RedSnt@feddit.dk 34 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is obviously about Australians calling their mates "cunts".

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[–] Beacon@fedia.io 32 points 1 week ago (11 children)

It's a very interesting take that really makes you look at things from a different perspective, but it kinda breaks down if you think about it. If this person really was saying it like a pronoun with no offense intended, and they were using it to refer to half of everyone they spoke to, and it was how other people referred to that person themself too, then it would quickly seem fine to me. If everyone is calling people dipshit all the time then it quickly becomes nothing to care about

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's kinda like cunt with aussies and brits.

[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Jesus fucking cunt, you cunt just drop cunt at every cunt you see or some cunts gonna get a cunt in their cunt about it

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Oi! You takin the piss, ye cunt?

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[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I disagree. If I don't like being called dispshit, the thing to do is not call me dipshit. Your intent stops mattering the moment you know how I prefer to be referred to and actively decline to respect it.

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[–] red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 week ago (8 children)

You could say intent matters.

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[–] blind3rdeye@lemm.ee 30 points 1 week ago

Generally being nice to other people is a good thing. It makes the world a nicer place for everyone. And in cases like this, it seems like it is pretty easy to be nice - just don't call that person 'dipshit'. That just seems like a very low-cost way to show the person that you respect them.

[–] Tudsamfa@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

"Could you call me something else, other than Dipshit?"
"Like what?"
"How about sunrise land?"

[–] NickwithaC@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (3 children)

New response if TERFism:

"Ok dipshit"

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

You can call me a dumbass all you want, it's part of the reason I chose this name, besides being a dumbass.

[–] pipes@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Whatever you say, smartass

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 18 points 1 week ago

Well now I'm offended!

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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Reminds me of Nelson Piquet, a former F1 driver, calling Lewis Hamilton a Neguinho when he was talking about current day F1 drivers in an interview. He called every driver by their name except Hamilton. Then Piquet and his brother ofcourse went with the “that’s how we always call each other even my grandma calls me that” defense

[–] Fontasia@feddit.nl 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

As an Australian, what the fuck us this cunt talking about

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[–] DefinitelyNotAnAlien@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 week ago (7 children)

It’s like when I lived in Miami and everyone called me “gringo” or “flaco.” When I asked them to stop they would say it was endearing. But imagine if I called them “removed” or “fatty” what their reaction would be.

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[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 week ago

We started calling my wife's narcissistic psychopathic Russian ex dipshit because we got tired of having to use his name. Now I barely remember his name, it's just dip shit

Then one day she got tired of his crap, beat the shit out of him, so now we just call him dip

[–] VerbFlow@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

"Is it possible to learn this allegory?"

"Not from the Daily Wire."

[–] lulztard@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago

Imagine one would genuinely not care about being called dipshit under the given circumstances. Context and intent are more important than the choice of words. I can't call something retarded, but I can call it demented. Crazy is fine, slow isn't. If it were about people and slurs, both words would be banned, but only one is, leaving the feeling of oppression under the banner of Good rather than it being actually about change for the better.

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