Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Let's stop mincing words here.
You want me because I have a particular set of skills that you think will be helpful to you in your pursuit of profit.
I want your job because I can leverage the skills I have for money and benefits that will provide food, and shelter.
Your main concerns are profits.
My main concerns are survival.
Employment is where these things meet in the middle. Let's not pretend that we're here because we're friends. We are not family. Fuck you, pay me.
Short version. My boss pays me enough so I don't quit, and I work hard enough so he doesn't fire me.
Unfortunately, many companies don't care about PR anymore. In the past, some would try to appear "we are family" to retain employees. Now it is everyone for themselves.
some would try to appear “we are family” to retain employees
Nope. Rule of acquisition 111. They claim that everyone is part of a happy family because family is easiest to exploit.
Comfort hunter is a very snobbish and entitled way to refer to someone offering their time and effort to you.
And wait, was the 2nd post 'liked' by the first poster?
That means that the HR account thinks what the employee account wrote is bad, too. Both posts are bad extremes.
As an employee, if i find a prospective colleague who doesn’t ask about what they’re supposed to be doing at all, I’d be wary of them, too.
To many people nowadays, the actual job itself doesn't matter, it's the fact that it's a job and it pays.
Not even a new thing either. Barely any jobs are done because people want to do specific types of work, and those jobs tend to be severely underpaid (teaching, social services).
People didn't flock to factories in the 60s and 70s because they wanted to work in a factory, they wanted the pay and benefits. Same for office work today.
Let us not forget that there is not a single employer on the planet who would willingly hire and pay someone more for their time than that person's time is worth. Each employee of a company is making that company money. They deserve comfort because they are the company.
What about us resonated with you?
Your offer to pay me.
Jesus Christ, yes, I am a comfort hunter. You think I get up at the ass crack of dawn every day for fun? You think I want to push buttons on a computer all day because I'm just weirdly into it?
No! I do this shit because I have to!
Fucking hell. I've already accepted that I have to make your company money if I want to live in a house. For the love of all that is good in this world, PLEASE do not make me pretend to like it. I'm already weirded out that you're so into it.
Making you pretend to like it is HR's kink.
HOW DARE YOU ASK FOR COMFORT IN YOUR ONLY ONE LIFE???!!
Yeah its shocking we are not incredibly grateful isnt it.
"Nobody wants to work"... :)
I've never understood why the HR people always see "not asking questions about the company" or "not demonstrating knowledge about the company" as such a red flag.
People are looking for a job, not a cult to join.
They want cultists though. Easier to exploit
Once I did an online interview process were they had a whole video and slideshow explaining about the company history and culture and the employees were saying about how it was a position for people who "truly believed in the mission of the company".
And then they had a quiz about it.
They truly want a cult. Fuck em.
I worked at Asus as a software developer for a while, had ti do a whole ass course on the history of the company. With unskippable videos and a questionnaire after as well. Pretty sure that took the better part of a day.
I only worked on the internal systems that really don't have anything to do with the actual products Asus makes.
ASUS does seem to care more about their name than the quality of...
of anything they output
Researching the company used to be a thing you did when selecting a career/lifetime position.
.... Since that doesn't happen anymore, I couldn't give any less of a shit about what your company is all about. I can do thing, you want to pay me to do thing. It's as simple as that. All the rest of this crap, I just don't have the time, effort or shits to give.
You would understand if you understood the mindset of HR employees. To them, you are joining a life mission, not just a job. And they have a plan for your life so it fits the company objectives. Super great. Except no.
You can buy loyalty. Give someone a high paying 3-year contract and they'll probably work to the end of it. But of course HR doesn't want to hear that.
Shocked Pikachu
People will work FOR MONEY!??!
Ours tried to explain to project leaders that employees are not mostly interested in their salary, but in praise. That went over well.
As someone who works for a living: praise is nice, but pay is required.
... Fuck you, pay me.
The part about asking what about the company resonates with you is a good interview question provided you hire for the long term. If you hire for a specific project what loyalty are you expecting?
BuT We'Re A FaMiLy HeRe!
It's either a business relation on both sides or it's a personal relation on both sides.
I was in Tech in Europe through the transition from when employees were people and the company was loyal to them and expected loyalty to the company in return (the age of lifetime employment), to the world we live in now were employees are "human resources", and for a great part of that period there was this thing were most employers expected employees to stay with the company whilst the company needed them and be dedicated to the company, whilst in return they treated employees as a business relationship with (in Tech) some manipulative "fake friendship" stuff thrown in (the ultimate examples: company paid pizza dinner when people stay working on a project till late, or the yearly company party, rather than, you know, paying people better or sizing the team to fit the work that needs to be done rather than relying on unpaid overwork) - still today we see this kind of shit very obviously and very purposefully done in places like Google.
Of course the "humour" part here is that plenty of managerial and HR people in companies still expect that employees are loyal to the company even all the while they treat them as disposable cogs who it's fine to exploit without consideration for their feelings or welfare - or going back to the first paragraph of this post: they relate to employees as a business relationship whilst expecting the employees related to the company as a personal relationship (often a "second family").
If I'm working late on something, I expect to be paid for that time and the company can provide a meal.
You're not paying me? I'll see you later then.
real nObOdY wAnTs To WoRk vibes...
also, if a candidate is having to ask what you're bringing to the table as an employer at their own job interview because you couldn't be up-front enough about it to post it on the hiring page, then that's already enough of a red flag that i already closed the tab
There are more things you could ask about even if the job description is good, though.
As a software engineer I like to ask questions about the team dynamic. I'm not interested in working with a bunch of bros, so having some diversity in the team is good.
I care about what work I do. I tend to ask about the project at the end of the technical round.
The HR is not going to hear about that.
I am not interested in the company's history, their mission/vision and other propaganda.
All I need to know about the company is, if they will actually pay me on time for the work I have done and that they are not going-under and defaulting on payments.
And since I do care about the work that I do, it matters to me, what will become of the project after the company gets the worth out of it.
And that is where all big-names fail miserably.
You are selling a smartphone/ laptop/ a cloud connected camera/ any product that uses multiple components with their own use?
At the end of support period, you are to openly distribute the documentation for all components.
That way, a camera out of an old smartphone/laptop won't require reverse engineering to be reused with a Pi or sth.
A monitor screen out of a laptop can be used as another monitor, without having to buy another controller from a shady site (yeah, I call AliExpress, a shady site) and the existing eDP controller can be reused, without requiring an Oscilloscope.
When your web-service goes down, the user can make their own interfacer and use the camera on their personal cloud.
Once I started burning companies the way they've burned me for years, employment got a lot better.
Fuck me? Nah, fuck you.
you won't get a good referral!
bitch, they won't call you anyway. I gave them my boss's personal cell number(my cousin).
Those all are questions about the company???
I actually kinda agree with both here.
It sucks working with someone who is utterly disinterested in the work, if it's anything above rote work.
Asking the candidate what they found interesting about it is at least a basically fine idea. If they can't answer when you ask, that actually is kinda concerning.
Big difference between asking and expecting them to volunteer the information.
At the same time, if the people interviewing you can't even pretend to show basic conversational courtesy by asking some basic "what do you do for fun" style questions or anything that shows they're gonna be interested in the person they're looking to work with, that's a major concern.
I disagree because most people are applying for everything. So many people are putting in dozens of applications a day. "What resonated with you" is the fact that they're hiring at all. You can learn to love a job and find satisfaction in the work even if the company didn't "resonate" with you.
Right? What resonated? Well it mostly the need to not starve to death and have a roof over my head. What about you?
He forgot the red flag emoji.
If HR isn't asking candidates about themselves as a person, or is only asking generic "Tell me about yourself" kinds of questions, then **they are doing it wrong. **
On the other side if a candidate doesn't have any questions about their future work environment, not just the role they applied for, then they too are doing it wrong. A candidate should care about whether they would fit into an environment / culture.
At its core employment is a relationship and both sides should treat it that way.
Not in HR, but am involved in the hiring process. We are not allowed to ask personal questions. Cant talk about family or personal background. If i ask a question about someones family and they tell me they have 5 kids, and they dont get the job because we found a better candidate, they have a clear and obvious path to file a discrimination case.
"I didnt get hired because they knew i had 5 kids and they assumed I wouldn't be able to dedicate time to the company yada yada."
" i told them that my religion was xyz and they knew my religious holidays dont align with their holiday schedule and they didnt hire me because they didnt want to make new policy to allow me my time and give me my protected right to religion"
Its just easier to not
I couldn't give less of a fuck about any company or their "projects", selling a product is not a mission to empower users and help the world or some bullshit like that.
So can we just be honest and agree to coexist in a state of mutually despising each other?
HR: I'm sorry, that's not our policy.