Ask Lemmy

If every other person you meet "is stupid" the problem might not be other people.

The fact that you're asking the question means you've made a lot of progress already. Give yourself real credit for wanting to be a better person. A lot of people don't ever reach that point.

I'm working on the same things myself and I don't think there are any simple or complete solutions. All you can do is keep in mind where you want to be, look at where you are, and try to get a little closer all the time.

You can't control how you feel, but you can control what you do about it. Don't act on your anger. Treat everyone as if they are a decent person, even if you don't really think they are. You don't have to enable them or accept the destructive things they do, but show kindness when you can and show sorrow, instead of anger, when you can't.

Do this for yourself. Even if nothing else changes, it will change you. And over time, it will have a positive effect on other people, even if you often won't know.

You were probably talking to mostly trolls, bots, and "hive minded" people. Avoid that daily dose of cortisol from just being pissed off talking to stupid people in general. Here's a thing you can try: write all the mean things you want to say, but don't post it. Instead, cancel your post, downvote, and move on. It's kind of therapeutic, almost like writing a mean letter you're not going to deliver and destroy. It may not work for you, but being angry talking to stupid people all the time is very draining. Another saying, "You can't win an argument against stupid people. They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."

Hate eats away your soul.

I would like to use a different expression but I lack one at the moment.

Stupid, despicable, divisive, angry individuals are plentiful. Small minds that feel empowered through anonimity and the sense of security coming from attacking other from their own space.

I don't need to tolerate them but you also don't need to allow their vitriole to poison your mind and sap your well being. It is not worth it.

I realize that this is just satire in a cartoon and everything but I don't really like the negative stigma given the gamers being a 42-year-old gamer at this point in my life and a professional that makes good money and is a responsible adult, it's kind of annoying to see any group of people painted poorly like this. it's funny how phrases like One bad Apple ruin the whole damn bunch seem to just always ring true.

Dealing with the way the world is is tough. I wish I could tell you how to feel better, but I can't. Certainly not without knowing you, anyway.

Very few could actually totally isolate themselves, and there's all kinds of people out there in the world that you'll have to meet. On the other hand, maybe you'll spend a more manageable amount of time being angry if you stay off of the internet.

It's also important just to recognise why you're angry. You're probably thinking it's obvious, but as therapists like to say, you're feelings don't come from other people's actions, but what you think about them. So they're bigots, what about it? People being bigots makes me sad, personally. And then, if there's another way to look at things will depends on your values, and what you want out of life exactly.

Best of luck figuring it out.

I read your comment and I feel you. I have a little advice.

First a but about memI "left" reddit for the same reasons. Left is in quotes because I was permanently banned because I argued with a major mod. Specifically I said after they banned me from a sub "ouch ouch ouch, sorry sprained my ankle tripping over 3 identical communities" to which they replied "don't message me again" and I of course did with a "or what? You'll silence me? That's not very intimidating"

Anyway my point is this:

There's no point in arguing with stupid people.... But if you are going to I recommend being dismissive or different. They are prepared for aggression they can't handle being dismissed. It really messes with bigoted people especially.

An example from my life

Guy at the gas station to me: can you believe the cashier is speaking Spanish? This is America lol

Me: it's 7 o'clock in the morning. Can you save the racism until after breakfast please.

An example of "different " would be this

I live in Orlando, we have Nazis who protest. I LOVE to walk by and say to a random one "you don't look good bald. You're heads too boxy to pull it off"

It fucks with them more than yelling I promise you lol. They aren't expecting that kind of thing.

The add on comment implies the existence of women that ironically marry men.

It's easy to be hurtful when you're anonymous. And angry.

These kids who were so hurtful to you probably had shitty lives.

I'm not trying to change your mind about hating them, just offering a possible explanation.

xkcd.com/386

Get some sleep.

Bless your cotton socks, god speed.

You know, intolerant people are people too, just like you and me. They have feelings, hopes and dreams. Biggots are also human beings. Hell, even nazis are people too. If listening to this bothers you, I don't know how to break this to you...

You can accept people as people without accepting their positions, claims, or views.

You can be mindful of when to engage in comments or not.

You can shift your mindset from arguing with a random stranger/bigot to defusing their talking points, or not letting them stand when you feel they should not.

People are more than one thing. You don't have to like everyone. And you certainly don't have to like all their aspects like the limited view one can see from their online profile or comment.

I don't think Lemmy is fundamentally different from Reddit either, in terms of how people behave, and how it will develop with more users. You just have more choice regarding choice of instances and communities, and blocking.

If you want to become more accepting of other peoples view points, be mindful of your own prejudices, automated thoughts, classifications, and emotional responses. Consider perspective switches, or considering the value of different views in general.

Reddit's decline was inevitable, sadly. The redesign (and re-redesign) are clearly tailored to idiots.

I hope the subreddit you're missing you're not talking about some fucked up shit like r/fatpeoplehate

Honestly it depends a lot on who you're hating and why. this is some therapy level talk here

What good does that anger do you? It's not going to change them, all it's doing is eating at you. Learn to set it aside, to have some compassion and understanding for your fellow humans even if they don't 'deserve it', and you will be much happier in life.

I block people who are assholes regardless of whether I believe in their points or not. The behavior is stressful and frankly encourages a way of interacting that makes me into a person I don't want to be. Yeah, it makes the small Lemmy community slightly smaller but that's okay because it makes for a better social environment for me. I don't want to dwell on hate and anger.

Being truly intellectually challenged is not something one decides on, so I have patience and overall try to believe in the natural goodness of people, which can be obfuscated by heavy propaganda (if you're in the Fire nations/Ba Sing Ses of the world, that's a guarantee), a postmodern lack of ideology and moral relativism, the wrong lessons learned from childhood trauma, etc. Many people online with morally disgusting takes are just paid for them too, don't forget (saying something wild but without a moral component doesn't affect people as much). Basically: give people the benefit of the doubt until you're certain that they're not complete, unrepentant c*nts, then accommodate them as much as you can and correct them if possible.

Also, if there's one thing I've learned from my somewhat lengthy relationship: we're all "difficult" one way or another, someone is already 'accommodating' you if you have any friends/family/loved ones.

It is not the spoon that bends, it is you.