Pretty sure the word you're seeking is homophism
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I couldn't find any record of this, could you possibly provide some reference?
Then may I propose a neologism: "Homosexualism" or "Homosexism" (discrimination of homosexual people)? Or alternatively "FOHO" (fear of homosexuality)? It would be interesting if another word already existed though.
You're absolutely correct that "(anything)phobic" is not an appropriate term for bigotry. Being phobic is as much a choice people make as being gay is, and of all the various groups, classes, etc. the gay community ought to understand.
The issue you'll run into is common sense, and it's lack of being common ;). Good luck trying to get people to understand, accept, acknowledge, etc.
xenophobia : racism :: racism : homosexuality