Ask Lemmy

"Be the change you want to see in the world." "If not me the who, if not now then when."

"Either I get over it, get through it, or I have to learn to live with it"

Some variation of, "Well... Looks like today is my turn to be the adult," is usually what I say to myself when there's some necessary but unpleasant task that I have to take care of.

I worked with a stunt coordinator once who told one of his guys that he was going to drop him, lying parallel to the ground, from the ceiling. He wouldn’t be able to brace his fall (as he was supposed to be dead), so he told his guy he’d just have to “cowboy up.” Not sure that’s a better phrase, but it’s got more color.

Activating survival mode

Suck it up.

Embrace the suck.

Stop being a pussy (I use this sparingly and only around people who I know can handle it. If they take offense, I tell them since I, being a woman, have a pussy, I get to say that. I am reclaiming the word.)

It's not useful as a punchy slogan, but in periods of duress I try to step outside my feelings to evaluate my goals and reactions, and then when I have done that analysis I visualize myself doing a kind of DBZ power up sequence, but kind of defensively oriented. It sounds ridiculous and I am explaining it really poorly but it seems to help

Toughen up

Face your fear. Do you feel scared to do something? That's totally valid and understandable. Do it scared. My point is, don't ignore the feelings. Acknowledge the feelings, then do it anyway.

While I don't have an exact answer for you I do have two rules that I try to live by that had helped me deal with being an adult:

1. To be an adult, you only need to know when it is apropriate to be childish. - This implies a shitload of stuff, it implies that you know what being childish means, as well as being able to read a situation. I treat it as a reminder that it is ok to keep playing and as long as you do it apropriately you can ignore critics.

2. Don't paint the devil on the wall unless he stands in the hallway, but it won't harm you to have some paint available. - Basically don't constantly prepare for the worst, but should the worst happen, take notes and analyze the situation, and be somewhat prepared to do so.

Man up is a masculinization of a notion that equates to common adulting. It's about taking responsibility, which women are obligated to do as much as men in 21st century society.

A related term is to pony up meaning to pay a bill which has a lot of intersection (as many responsibilities are financial, especially those associated with manning up) so pony up could be repurposed.

Don't let your emotions rule you.

I'm also fond of a line from The Matrix: There is no spoon.

Monkey Up

It's kinda sorta stoicism, just phrased in a judgmental, dismissive way, that is also pointlessly and rather toxically gendered. It's close to the minimum amount of helpfulness "advice" can possibly have.

Being done with stuff feels good if your reward system is working properly. Other than that, while you can have "inertia" issues getting started and that feels kinda stressful, procrastination tends to get stressful too, after a while. At a certain point you'll just have delayed the gratification to fit in some more worried and often unsatisfying faffing around.

Since pushing through whatever seems to work for you and make you feel better, I would focus on that instead of nonsense about not being macho enough.

My mantras are:
Just do it. 🗸 = stop overanalyzing, start with whatever action you can do right now
Always eat your dessert first. = start with the most enjoyable or easiest part of the task
Be someone else. = pretend it's not you facing the tough situation but someone else who asked you to get them out of it

So far my favorite is "Rise up".

If you're going through Hell, keep going.

Take the hit

"Once you've got a task to do, it's better to do it than live with the fear of it."
-Logan nine fingers (Joe Abercrombie)

Helped me a lot in dark times...

Adversity is inevitable, mistakes are your greatest teacher. Learn and grow, or become your own prisoner.

Feelings are just chemicals in your brain. Don't let those tiny bastards win.

"If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth doing"

I reframe it as a reminder that something is temporary. "I only have to deal with this for x more hours/days/whatever" helps me remember that while I gotta be tough now, I don't necessarily have to be later.

Do your duty. Take responsibility. Do what needs to be done.

Man up doesn't mean do something stupid, it means do it has to be done, good or bad. Get it done.

As a self-encouragement strategy, I agree, and often use the same trick.

maximum effort

time to nut up or shut up

never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.

There’s a bunch of colloquialisms that express roughly the same thing, as others have mentioned - take your pick.

Old guy at work asks me if I like my job and I say no. He says "Work is for family not for you."

When I was strugging with motivation in getting out to go for a run or whatever I found "Just do it" to be fairly effective. Only later realizing I was lifting the Nike slogan. Still, it works for me.

Nowadays I say "this shit ain't nothing to me" or "it is what it is" a lot. I never thought about it being more gender neutral until this post though.

I'm going to analyze this assuming you're more manly than not, since that's where my experience is at.

Emotions are separate, related issues that can be tackled just like a man can. A therapist with "Men's Issues" experience knows how to frame the woo and abstractions of regular therapy with more actionable techniques. Someone with very intense or inappropriate emotions may need to face the emotions MORE than the problem at hand. There are techniques and viewpoints to be understood, and I had to use these myself.

It's stuff like simple facts about emotions. They exist. They influence your actions. They can be modified and analyzed. They need to be managed like an adult manages a child. Ignoring emotions can compact them into deep seated hurt that induce more emotions. Process your past to free yourself from that hurt. It won't be fast, but it needs to be done.

If certain situations that cause emotions can be avoided, do so when reasonable. If they cannot be ignored, recognize that external help through tools, techniques, and friends are not weakness, but the weapons you use to to fight your battles. Forgive yourself slipping while always focusing on the output. Learn to cry, and know how it makes you more powerful and strong.

Notice that this is closer to "wise old karate master" or "Boy Scout Scoutmaster" talk. It's what men crave but rarely find in popular media. IF the person does not have issues with their emotions and have a sufficiently sized ego, pulling them through the first steps of anxiety and hesitation is enough to make someone feel competent and secure. Positive visualization, goading their ego, pushing buttons (gently), it's good for many men but not for all of them, and it just doesn't translate to a lot of women. Expand your arsenal of emotional management for your target audience. You're a good person for wanting to find a better way to help others.

Lets do some wild improvisation!

It promts me to a) just fukkin do it and b) not expect perfection

"Fucking pretend you know what you are doing." Always seems to work. Feel how you feel l, and don't shame yourself for fear.

You need to just see this as something that everyone has to deal with. You can feel your feelings still do what you need to do. Ignoring your feelings doesn't make you any more of a man.

"We choose to do things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

"If it hurts, it means that it grows"

Come hang out in !hopeposting@lemmy.world

'show your courage'

'what cannot be controlled must be endured'

Buckle up Buckaroo

Edit: The wife and I always use the term "rally". Like, "Here we go a-rallying again" or "we're rally-gals today". So maybe instead of "man-up", you could try "It's time to rally"?

Get prehistoric, go full barbarian, hulk it out, become psychosocial.